Fairytale Disorder
by neko-nya
Summary: The princesses are gone, and the prince charmings aren't happy about it. Who's better to substitude the princesses than...Dark! But a certain dragon doesn't like the idea...DarkxKrad
1. Once upon a time

Fairytale Disorder  
  
Chapter 1: Once upon a time...  
  
Once upon a time, blah, blah, blah (insert long life story here), there was a boy named Dark who was accused of WIZARDRY, and almost got STAKED but it rained so they delayed it until the next day, fortunately for him, the ropes came loose because his FRIEND Daisuke SUCKED at typing ropes and he was able to get himself FREE. Unfortunately, he had no where to go, and the ever so feared DRAGON flew by, fortunately, the dragon IGNORED him, unfortunately, Dark threw his SHOES at the dragon causing it to NOTICE the boy. Fortunately, the dragon didn't EAT him, he just took him HOME, unfortunately, they had an argument, fortunately, they forgot all about it in the morning and set off to a town where a PERVERTED church master was to have REVENGE.  
  
Unfortunately, the inn they went to only had a single bed/room left so they had to SHARE, fortunately the villagers there were really NICE and had really GOOD food, unfortunately, when Dark was out looking for "jobs", he was ABDUCTED by the EVIL church master and abused, fortunately, Krad and the villager found him and the evil/perverted church master was TOASTED. Unfortunately, the incident with the TOASTED old dude triggered some unhappy memories for Dark, fortunately, Krad COMFORTED him the best he could and they headed to where Dark was supposed to be STAKED in the first place, unfortunately, Dark had to stay HIDDEN since people would recognize him and try to stake him AGAIN.  
  
Fortunately, Dark didn't get raped while STANDING there, and Krad came back with a big sculpture from the man with the SQUINTY eyes with a very RUDE son, unfortunately, Dark had to wrap ink soaked RAGS around his head and limbs so people wouldn't recognize him, fortunately, they got to make a SCENE in front of the SQUINTY eyed man's shop and they made him look BAD and it was FUN. Unfortunately, some creepy OLD man came along who turned out to be the EVIL church master and he called Krad STUPID and cuffed him with iron. Fortunately, Krad KILLED the church master and it was FUNNY, and Dark KISSED him for it then ran back to get tools to BREAK the iron with, unfortunately, bandits made a deal with Dark, and Krad was DYING and the man with the SQUINTY eyes caught Dark and made ANOTHER deal with him, fortunately Dark saved Krad before he DIED.  
  
Unfortunately, Krad DITCHED him and flew off and left him to be staked, fortunately, Krad came to the RESCUE, unfortunately, Dark had to settle the second part of the DEAL with the bandits and gets HARASSED, fortunately, Krad comes to the rescue AGAIN and they have a SAPPY, sappy ending with a lot of HUGGING and LAUGHTER and it is HEART-WARMING. And they lived happily ever after, but it's not the ending yet since they still have a LIFE and ADVENTURES yet to be ADVENTURED...okay....not quite adventures, stupid mistakes made by Dark which get corrected by Krad...okay...not that either...Dark goes along with his own plans and the usual trouble happens? ...whatever, just read.  
  
-----------------------------------  
  
Dark stifled a yawn as he poured himself yet another cup of coffee, the sun was setting and he didn't feel like sleeping. Krad was somewhere sleeping already it was amazing how a dragon could instantly fall asleep when he wanted to, he gulped down his coffee and looked around, he was full of energy but he had to stay quiet since the sleeping dragon would fry him to a crisp. The boy walked outside and enjoyed the fresh air, he saw something run off in a distance and decided to chase after it to wear off some of that extra energy. It would've been a good idea if he didn't lose sight of it, he looked around for some weird little person/guy/animal/thingy and saw nothing but forest.  
  
_Damn...might as well head back before Krad starts telling me how I get myself harassed every time I do things my way._ The worst part was knowing that the dragon was right, then again, he was always right, which made Dark feel stupid, very stupid. He sighed again, he looked around, he couldn't see the barn anywhere, _shit, shit, I'm going to be killed! Where the hell am I!? Maybe if I retrace my steps...damn, I don't know which way I came from, that was smart. Krad's going to come and look for me and then lecture me and then I'll get angry and sleep in the barn again!  
_  
Dark sighed again, he sat down trying to think things out, but that plan didn't last long, something clamped over his mouth and pulled him deeper into the forest, the boy tried struggling, but his captor was bigger, much bigger then him, he was pinned against a tree by one hand, he looked at his captor, too bad for him, his captor didn't exactly look...human. In fact, it looked nothing close to human; it was very, very ugly, horns and all, pointy ears, claws, strange markings on its face. _Great...just what I need, some weird ugly thing abducting me...  
_  
The weird ugly thing spoke, but not to him, "I think she'll do just fine don't you? I mean they weren't all that pretty."  
  
A voice came out of no where, "Good job, yea, she'll do."  
  
_She!? SHE!? Are they calling me a GIRL!? AGAIN!?_ He wanted to threaten them that he had a dragon for a friend but decided against it, it wouldn't do him any good to say _I have a dragon friend and maybe something more than that, and if he hears me yell for help...and he wakes up, he'll come roaring and burn you to nothingness! _The boy managed to free his mouth from the big hand's grasp, "Yea...incase you haven't noticed, I'm a _boy_."  
  
The big weird ugly looking thing looked at him, "Well so you are! Oh well, it doesn't matter, no one's going to complain."  
  
Dark looked baffled, "Complain? About what?"  
  
The mysterious unseen voice somewhat explained, "We're demons and we thought it'd be fun to abduct the princesses from this place, but the prince charmings aren't happy since they don't have someone to rescue and make them look good, so now we need a replacement for the princesses which is you, and yea, any questions?"  
  
Dark just stared at where the voice was coming from, which was behind the big ugly thing, "So you're saying that you're demons..."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"And you're abducting to replace princesses."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"I'm not only a _boy_, but I'm only _one_ person, how can I replace more than one princess?"  
  
"The gender part doesn't matter since the prince charmings just want something pretty to rescue, they're each rescuing you on a different day so no worries."  
  
"So they rescue me from strange doomlyness and I ditch them only to get rescued again."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"I don't want to so let me go home."  
  
"No, we aren't stupid you know."  
  
"...well so you aren't...I'll just be heading back now if you'll be so kind as to let me go."  
  
The big ugly thing spoke up, "No, the prince charmings are going to kill us if we don't find a substitute."  
  
"Why me? I mean, I'm not princess-like in any way."  
  
"Sure you are, your looks are fine, now all we need to know is whether you have what it takes to actually be a princess."  
  
"I'm flattered that you think I have the looks, but I'm sure I don't so if you'll just let me be on my way..."  
  
"Nope, not until you try."  
  
"We'll never make it on time..."  
  
"We're fast, so we'll make it to the first destination by night."  
  
_I'm being abducted by demons...real demons...where the hell is Krad? That stupid dragon, how could he sleep at a time like this!?_ The big ugly looking demon slung Dark over his "shoulder" and walked away, only then did Dark notice a smaller demon which was actually the guy/person/animal/thingy walking behind them. _Maybe I should yell for help..._ Just then the smaller demon jumped next to him and gagged him. _...or not..._And they headed off somewhere quite far away but the demons really were fast and Dark could feel the wind blow his through his hair.  
  
While back at the barn, Krad opened a golden eye and looked around, no sign of Dark, he shrugged it off, _he must be sleeping or something...why do I get the feeling that I'm making a mistake...oh well, must be my imagination._  
  
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Nya Like this is the sequel (most likely) to Condemned (if you haven't read it, it's okay...I think) –shrugs-, hope you enjoy! The genre is actually fantasy/humour/parody/romance but oh well I can only put two of them up! Thankies for those of you who read Condemned and thankies even more for those who reviewed it! Please R&R! 


	2. The boy, the pea, and the coffee

Fairytale Disorder  
  
Chapter 2: The boy, the pea, and the coffee  
  
"...exactly where are you taking me?" He felt like sleeping, but nooo that damned coffee he drank wasn't letting him, he didn't want to miss the chance to talk while the gag was off.  
  
"Far far away."  
  
"...yes I realized that but can't you say something more specific?"  
  
"...no."  
  
Dark sighed as the demons carried him away, the moon was rising, "I thought you said we'd be there by night...and it's night."  
  
"We're almost there..."  
  
"We are?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"...are we there yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"How about now?"  
  
"No."  
  
"...now?"  
  
"No."  
  
Dark sighed again, "...how about now?"  
  
"...no...wait...wait...still waiting...yes, we're there."  
  
"Finally...can you put me down now?"  
  
The big ugly looking demon set the boy down, Dark turned around to face a castle, a huge, enormous, grand castle.  
  
"Whoa..."  
  
The demons took the knocker and knocked on the door, then ran away like little kids playing a prank on some person.  
  
"We'll come to pick you up later."  
  
Dark watched them go, he heard the door open and he turned around to see a butler, "...hi?"  
  
"Ah...you must be the princess, come on in."  
  
"...wait...I'm not the princess..."  
  
"No need to be modest, come on in."  
  
"..." Dark shrugged and walked into the castle, _since he invited me_.  
  
"You must be sent to bed now."  
  
"So soon?"  
  
"Yes, follow me."  
  
The butler led Dark into a room with a couple of dozen mattresses with a ladder leading to the top.  
  
"...I'm suppose to sleep on that..."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What if I roll off or something?"  
  
"...let's just hope for the best."  
  
"...okay...well goodnight..."  
  
"Goodnight miss."  
  
"...I'm not a-" Too late, the butler locked the door behind him.  
  
Dark looked up the pile of mattress, _I'm suppose to sleep on that!? ...okay...I'll just climb the ladder and see how it is up there._ The boy started climbing towards the top, when he finally reached the last mattress, he hopped onto the mat, there was a pillow and a blanket. When he looked down he could see the whole room and it was huge, Dark sat on the mattress, it was soft and fluffy, fit for a king. Sadly, he couldn't enjoy the high quality mattress because of the coffee, he tossed and turned all night.  
  
The next morning when he climbed down the ladder, the butler opened the door for him and led him to a kitchen where there was a grand breakfast waiting for him. Dark didn't need anyone to tell him what to do, he sat down and dug in, even the breakfast was high quality down to the last little itsy bitsy insignificant tiny crumb.  
  
"Are you finished?"  
  
"Yea, I can't eat another bite."  
  
"The queen and prince charming will now see you."  
  
"...okay...are all the princes of this...place called prince charming?"  
  
"Yes, it is tradition."  
  
"I see...don't you get mixed them up?"  
  
"No."  
  
"...wow..."  
  
The looked at Dark, "Perhaps we should get you changed into something more suitable before you meet her royal highness."  
  
"...I guess..."  
  
The butler handed him a frilly pink dress but the boy protested, "I'm a BOY, there's no way in hell I'm going to wear this...this...frilly pink dress!"  
  
The servant raised a brow, "That's funny, I didn't noticed...very well, we'll get you something more appropriate."  
  
"Thank you...wait, you aren't going to make me wear tights or something are you?"  
  
"No of course not, that tradition was canceled...last week."  
  
Dark released a sigh of relief, the butler handed him black trousers, and a black sleeveless shirt. _...he has the same sense of style as Krad, all black, what's with these people?  
_  
"Umm...do you mind...oh I don't know, stepping out of the room while I change?"  
  
Unlike Krad, the butler nodded and closer the door behind him while the boy got into the new clothing. Dark stepped out of the room and looked at the butler.  
  
"...what now?"  
  
"You shall go and meet her royal highness and prince charming."  
  
"Okay...where are they?"  
  
He followed the butler to another set of doors decorated with gold and silver, the servant opened the door and led him in while he went up to the fat lady sitting in a throne and whispered.  
  
"You highness, the princess is here, but it seems to be a boy."  
  
"Oh nevermind that, he looks fine, how are his manners?"  
  
"Horrible, his table manners are hideous too, he is rude but modest."  
  
"...alright...that doesn't matter, my prince charming is getting impatient for a damsel, all we need to know is if this boy is to be a princess or not."  
  
"Yes madam."  
  
"You're free to go."  
  
The butler bowed and headed out the door leaving Dark standing there like an idiot just gawking at the highly decorated room.  
  
"Hello there, what is your name?"  
  
"...Dark...Dark Mousy."  
  
"Well Dark, how did you sleep yesterday?"  
  
"It was damn horrible, I couldn't sleep a wink! Geeze, I tossed and turned all night, did you stick something in the mattress or something...shit." Dark stopped himself, he couldn't say "opps" now, he just dissed the queen, boy was he going to get it.  
  
The queen was taken aback by the rude comments but never the less, the boy had damsel-quality, he couldn't sleep with a pea under all the mattresses, he passed.  
  
"I'm sorry to hear that, but that proves something to me."  
  
What? That he was a goner? That he was the rudest person to walk in the castle? That he was a walking talking piece of dead meat?  
  
"...and what does it prove?"  
  
"That you have enough damsel-quality to marry my son, prince charming. Prince charming, come in here and meet your fiancée!"  
  
"Coming mother!"  
  
A prince walked in with black trousers and a white shirt thingy, like from Cinderella, but he had blonde hair that reached his shoulders. He looked at Dark and smiled his charming smile showing off his perfectly white teeth that sparkled with a "ding" and he head towards the fat lady.  
  
"Yes mother?"  
  
"Meet your fiancée, Dark."  
  
Dark just stared at her, _what the hell is she talking about? Fiancée? Me? Whoa, he's like a walking talking advertisement. Mr. I-have-perfect-manners-and-teeth-and-hair-and-clothes. Psh._ Prince charming walked up to Dark, he bowed, took his hand and kissed his knuckles.  
  
"Hello there beautiful."  
  
Dark just stared at him like the idiot that he was at the moment, how often did someone go up to him with perfect manners, teeth, hair and clothes and kiss his hand, it was all just so...royal manners-like. But the prince never saved him from live-threatening situations and Krad had, at least four times, not to mention the dragon hugged him, and he kissed the blonde. He wanted to go home, back to Krad, and he'd run out of the castle that moment but prince charming still had his hand and he had no idea how to get back.  
  
Prince charming was about to lean down and kiss the unsuspecting Dark but a sudden wind bursted into the room and carried the boy away on its shoulder.  
  
Dark snapped out of his trance and looked down, the demon was running towards...somewhere.  
  
"It's about time."  
  
"We just finished breakfast."  
  
"Which was..."  
  
"...if I told you, you'd lose your breakfast."  
  
"...I see."  
  
"Did you sleep?"  
  
"Hell no! That was the worst!"  
  
"You have princess-quality, very well, to the next prince charming!"  
  
"What!? Princess-quality!?"  
  
"You couldn't sleep right? Only true princesses can't sleep when they're there."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"They stuffed a pea in the mattress."  
  
"...what? No, I just had-"  
  
"Too late now, we're off to the next place."  
  
Damn that coffee...  
  
----------------------  
  
"...Mother, where is my fiancée?"  
  
"I don't know dear."  
  
"I'm going to go and get him back from that dreaded wind! I waited for a damsel for long enough, I'm going to rescue my damsel in distress!"  
  
"You go and do that dear."  
  
"I'm off!"  
  
"Ta-ta."  
  
---------------------------  
  
Krad yawned and turned back to human form, he stepped into the barn expecting to see the boy there, but it was empty.  
  
"...Dark?"  
  
"Dark Mousy?"  
  
Still empty, the dragon yawned again, "Damn him, I bet he's out there getting harassed or something."  
  
He turned into a bird and flew to the nearest village hoping to find out what happened through the magic of gossip.

--------------------------

NyaI was wonder what to prince charmings wear so I ended up with the Cinderella way for this chapter. Any requests for the next fairytale? Please R&R


	3. Dark Black

Fairytale Disorder

Chapter 3: Dark Black

The demons ran on and soon enough, they dropped Dark off in the middle of a dark forest. Dark sat there for a moment, then he realized what just happened.

"Thanks for nothing!"

He looked around, he couldn't see anything but a pair of big red eyes...yes, a pair of big red eyes...Dark moved away as the bush rustled. He felt like crying but no normal, dignified teenager would cry.

He heard a "Kyu?"

Then he screamed, when he looked at the bush again, he could see a bunny hopping out of the bush looking at him with its big red adorable eyes.

"Aww..."

"Kyu, kyu?"

"Hey there, you want to come with me and get out of this hellish forest?"

"Kyu!"

"Come on then!"

Dark scooped up the rabbit and started walking deeper into the forest and got completely lost.

Meanwhile, the villain at the moment was admiring herself in the mirror, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

"Ugh, you again..."

"SILENCE! Answer the question!"

"...will you kill me if I said it was someone else?"

"...yes."

"Okay...then it's not Dark or..." And then the mirror started naming about a million more names.

"Shut up, who's the fairest?"

"Dar-I mean, you milady."

"...who is this Dark?"

"No one you should care about, just the fairest one...ah shit, I really have to stop doing that."

The queen's eye was twitching, "...I'LL KILL HER!"

"...actually it's a-"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!"

Soon Dark and his rabbit found a clearing with a nice little house in the middle, a perfect picture. The boy and the rabbit opened the door without giving knocking a thought and raided the house. The bunny ate all the strawberries in sight and Dark, who was still full from the castle of many mattresses walked over to the beds. There were seven nice little beds lined up, too small for Dark, with names printed at the ends, the boy didn't bother reading the names, he plopped onto the beds and snoozed, the rabbit joined him after it finished with the strawberries.

After a couple of hours, seven little men headed back home only to find it a mess, a big mess, and all the strawberries were missing. Not to mention there was a boy and a rabbit sleeping on half their beds, they all crowded around the bed/s.

"Is this her?"

"Not as charming as she's supposed to be. What happened to the snow white skin?"

Dark moaned and opened his eyes, his first reaction was, "Hey, cool! Midgets!"

The "midgets" just stared at him, some angry, some surprised.

One of them clear his throat and spoke, "We are not "midgets" we are dwarfs."

The boy shrugged, "Dwarfs and midgets are the same thing, if you're shorter than me by...half my height, you're a midget to me."

"What is your name girly?"

"I'm a BOY goddamn it. I'm Dark Mousy. Who are you midgets?"

The dwarfs/midgets introduced themselves one by one.

"I'm Gullible."

"I'm Bald."

"I'm Stupid."

"I'm Sleepy."

"I'm Hungry."

"I'm Nerdy."

"I'm Insane."

Dark just stared at them, "No, I mean your names."

"Those are our names."

"..." The boy looked at the dwarfs, then bursted out laughing, he laughed until his stomach ached.

The midgets just looked at each other then back at the boy, "Ahem, since your rabbit ate all our strawberries, you'll have to do all the household chores for us."

"...it's not my rabbit, and I can't do anything, I swear I suck at doing any type of chores. Ask anyone...who knows me, I set kitchens on fire, I can even screw up sweeping."

"...are you serious?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Yea...that's why we live in a place that no one would care about even if it got dirty."

"We?"

"Yea, me and Krad."

"...uhhh...we have to go so just sit there and stay put until we get back."

"Okay..."

The midgets left and Dark sat there, staring at the wall.

"Kyu?"

"Hey there, I should name you...how about With?"

"Kyu!"

"I'll just take that as a yes."

"Kyu."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door, there was a hunter outside, "I'm here to kill you."

"Errr...please oh please spare my life?"

The hunter took out what looked like a contract and read it over, then he shrugged, "Okay, it says here I have to bring back a heart, it doesn't specify whose heart it has to be and I'd rather kill a pig than a little girl."

"I'M NOT A GIRL!"

"You aren't?"

"No."

The hunter just shrugged again, "Oh well, if I kill you, you'd scream, pigs don't scream."

Dark nodded, the hunter continued, "Well I'd better be going, see you!"

"Bye."

With the hunter gone, Dark just went back into the house and rummaged through the drawers for something to keep him entertained, too bad for him there was nothing.

"Kyu?"

"Hey With, isn't there anything to do around here?"

"Kyu?"

Just then, the door knocked again, Dark went and opened the door, there was an ugly little shriveled up woman.

"Yes...errr...Obaa-chan."

The old lady snorted and huffed like she had asthma or something, "What manners you have!"

"...sorry?"

The old lady hmph'ed again and looked at Dark, "You're just lucky I'm in a good mood today, here I brought you a dress."

"...I'm not a girl...I'm a BOY, a BOY I say."

"I hear you the first time! I'm not deaf!"

"...you aren't?"

"You young people nowadays, what is your name Dark?"

"...you just said my name, how do you know my name?"

"Well so I did! I must've heard it somewhere. No matter, I have a coat for you."

"...it's okay, really."

"TAKE IT!"

"Okay!"

The old lady put the coat on Dark and buckled the scraps so tight that the boy couldn't breathe and fainted away. The old lady cackled and walked away, before Dark lost all his consciousness, his last thought was, _what a_ _freak._

Luckily for Dark, the dwarfs came back soon enough.

"He appears to have lost his consciousness, I believe it's the coat."

"...take off the coat then..."

They un-strapped the coat and Dark woke up, "What the..."

"You fainted like a damsel."

"That's the second time someone said that to me."

"Really now."

"Yes."

"Who gave you the coat?"

"Some old freak...I want to keep it, it's pretty! But I'm not going to strap it."

"Do what you want with that coat."

"Okay."

"Anyways we're off again, don't open the door again."

"Okay."

Dark walked around, unfortunately, the midgets left the door open. Then there was another knock, the boy kept his word, he didn't open the door, it was already opened so he simply looked out.

"Yea..."

"Hello there deary."

"I'm a boy."

The old lady chuckled, "Why of course you are girly!"

"...Obaa-chan...I'm-NOT-a-girl."

"I know deary, I know."

"..."

"Oh yes deary, I have a present for you."

"Hm?"

"A nice looking necklace."

"...it looks like a collar."

"It's pretty isn't it? Here, try it on."

"...can I not?"

"Nonsense deary! Try it on!"

"...I don't want to..."

"Just take it and try it on."

"Errr...fine."

Dark took the "necklace" and put it on, but the collar was poisoned and Dark fainted again. The old lady cackled and walked away again. And once again the midgets came back to find Dark on the floor, fainted away like a damsel.

"He's really got to stop that."

"Yea."

"Zzz..."

"Wake up Sleepy!"

"He appears to have a collar on...maybe if we take it off..."

The nerdy midget un-collared Dark and once again the boy woke up.

"Wha?"

"What are you trying to become? A dog?"

"Err...woof woof?"

"He turned into a dog!"

"...let me guess...you're Gullible?"

Suddenly, one of the midgets' eye started twitching and he laughed insanely then started running until he ran into a wall.

"...he's insane."

"Yup, that's Insane."

Dark got up only to slip on something wet on the floor, "...EWWWW! THERE'S DROOL ON THE FLOOR!"

"...that's be from Sleepy...or Stupid...or Hungry."

"...that's just great...can someone get me a towel or something?"

"Sorry, we have to go again, don't open the door again."

"Okay..."

The evil no good very bad queen looked into her mirror, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

The mirror didn't answer, it just snored.

"WAKE UP!"

"Huh!? Wha!?"

"Who's the fairest?"

"Oh that again, you know what? I'm going have to get paid to do this, fifty cents per question."

"...what if I throw you down a cliff?"

"But then again, I'd charge everyone but YOU dear queen."

"Well...who's the fairest? Be honest."

"...how honest?"

"Just tell me."

"Dark Mousy."

"He's not dead?"

"Hell no, you and your pathe-I mean your master plans weren't enough to keep him down."

"...very well I shall kill him this time."

The mirror mumbled, "Yea, I'm sure you will, stupid pathetic plans."

"What?"

"Nothing!"

----------------

Krad landed on a sign in the middle of the town listening to people chatter.

"Did you hear?"

"Hear what?"

"The far, faraway land!"

"Yea! They found a replacement princess!"

"A real looker too I hear!"

"It's amazing how one person can replace all those missing princess!"

Missing princesses? Replacement? Far, faraway land? The golden bird hopped down a bit lower to hear better.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I heard the replacement is a boy!"

"What?"

"I know, a boy replacing princesses! And I hear he looks better than them, and the prince charmings!"

"That's absurd! A boy with damsel-quality!?"

"But it's true I bet, I think the boy's from around here too, I wish I met him!"

Great...a boy that was from around here, a real looker, damsel-quality, yup, it could only be one person, Dark. _That idiot's gotten himself into deep shit again, maybe I shouldn't go after him this time..._Then the image of Dark being kissed my a prince charming popped into the bird's head and it flapped it's wings and headed in the direction of the far, faraway land. _I swear, that idiot's making more trouble then he's worth._

_Then why are you going after him?_

_To teach him a lesson when I get him back?_

_Wouldn't it be more of a lesson if you just ditch him and get a new lover?_

_He's not my lover!_

_Sure...that's what they all say, if he wasn't your lover why would you go after him? And why do you get mad when you think about him with someone else? And you're always worried about him. And you watched him change you perverted dragon. And-_

_I get it, I get it! But he's not my lover! I didn't watch him change on my own will, those villagers were evil!_

_Shall I continue?_

_No, just shut up!_

_Hmph, I'm you._

_So I realized, why am I arguing with myself? And why do I think Dark's my lover, not to mention I sound like Dark. Did I just call myself perverted dragon!? Damn it Dark, see what you've done to me!?_

_Hark, do I hear a confession?_

_Just shut up!_

_You're worried about Dark, you can't deny it!_

_Okay! I'm worried, are you happy now!?_

_Are YOU happy?_

_NO!_

_Well, I'm not either, at least not until you find Dark._

_I'm you!_

_I know that, and I'm saying that neither of us will be happy until we get Dark back._

..._I won't be happy until I get to beat the shit out of him._

_You know you won't, you love him too much._

_I don't love him!_

_Whatever you say, watch out for that tree._

_Wha-GAH._

..._told you._

_------------------------------_

Nya

I'm going to give out personal thanks now, sorry I kept on forgetting nya I'll start now and lets hope I won't forget again. Forgive me?

**Hakudoshi-chan-**Thankies for reviewing my other fics, glad you like this one too nya

**darksaphire-**Thankies for you too for reviewing my fics, it was the parody of the princess and the pea. Hope you like this chapter nya

**Amethyst Bubble-**Sorry, it's not sleeping beauty, but that fairytale's reserved for something special, I'll try to make it extra good for you when it comes up, I couldn't help but grin, someone's actually jumping for joy to read this fic! Ureshii!

**Sheridan-**I'm not sure, that movie was great and all but somehow I never thought about it when I typed this up. I can assure you that all my fics are strange one way or another but glad you think it's nice nya

**Seena58-**Glad you liked the first chapter, I didn't base it on Shrek 2 but I guess it got influenced by it. Hope you like Condemned nya


	4. Of Piggys and Lumpy Apples

Fairytale Disorder

Chapter 4: Of piggys and lumpy apples

Dark was bored, he sat on a midget sized chair while With was bouncing on his head. He wondered how long he had to stay there, he would've leaned back but the he didn't want to tip the chair over or anything to he stared at the ceiling, wooden beams that supported a wooden roof.

"How did they build this house? There's nothing for them to stand on, how did they reach that high?"

"Kyu?"

The boy sighed.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Meanwhile the witch was mixing up potions which ended up in the shape of a horribly lumpy apple.

"This doesn't look like a cake!"

"...it looks kind of like an apple, not a very safe one though..."

"Shut up!"

The mirror sighed and mumbled, "What ever happened to the good old days when queens were fat and jolly?"

"Those days are over."

"I realized, nowadays, all the queens are skins and bones and insanely vain, not to mention obsessed with killing young princesses and men who look better then them. Pitiful..."

"What!?"

"You heard me."

"I happen to know a nice steep cliff around here, wouldn't it be ironic if I were to accidentally drop a mirror down it? A certain talking mirror."

"You didn't hear me."

"No I guess I didn't, what did you say?"

"...nothing?"

"Very well, I'm off, once Dark Mousy takes a bite out of this...thing he'll die!"

The queen walked off laughing like a bitch and the mirror sighed, "Being thrown off a cliff isn't such a bad thought after all...bitch..."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Hi-ho, hi-ho, up the trail we go...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, hi-ho, hi-ho, hi-ho."

"Halt."

All the dwarves bumped into each other at the sudden halt. Ahead of them were three houses, one made of straws, one made of sticks, and the last one made of bricks.

"Isn't that the three little piggys' houses?"

"I thought there were four."

"One of them got killed by some hunter that was suppose to kill a princess but didn't and so he killed a pig instead."

"I see..."

"Let's ask if we can stay over night."

"Why?"

"Because if that boy stays at out house we won't be able to fit everyone and I'm sure to be the first one thrown out since I'm me and all."

"Yup, you got that part right Nerdy."

"Do they have food!? I need food! I'm suffering from FWD"

"FWD?"

"Food withdrawal."

"Oh..."

"To the first piggy's house!"

They walked up to the house made of straws and knocked on the door, but the second they took their little hands away, the house of straws collapsed. The piggy emerged from the straw, he went to the still standing door and opened it and looked at the dwarves angrily.

"What?"

"...nothing now."

"What did you want?"

"We were just wondering if we could stay the night."

"No."

The pig slammed the door so hard that the door collapsed too, the midgets shrugged and headed for the house of sticks, behind them they heard a wolf howl for joy and a pig squealing for help but they ignored it. The seven dwarves, walked up to the house of sticks and knocked on the door hoping that the house won't collapse like last time. For some reason or another, one of the midgets' was carrying a lit torch and burning small plants and laughing and twitching at the same time.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, burn, BURN!"

A tall and fat piggy answered the door, "Yes?"

The piggy was blind to anything stomach and down therefore he didn't see the dwarves, he looked around and around until one of them spoke up, "Ahem, can we stay the night at your place?"

The pig stepped back and saw the midgets, "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-no."

Then he slammed the door shut, pigs had a bad habit of slamming doors, the insane midget carrying the torch was not pleased, so he set the pig's house on fire and they were off to the last house. Behind them they heard the pigs squeal for help and if they turned around they would've seen the wolf eating roasted pork with its set of knives and forks made especially for wolves. The dwarves walked up to the house of bricks and knocked on the door. A little piggy opened the door, it was no taller than the midgets.

"What?"

"Can we stay-"

"You're all against me! I know what you want! You want my house! My money! MY PROPERTY! WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! GET OUT! GET OUT! OUT I SAY!"

The pig stomped off leaving the door opened, no one noticed the wolf jumping through the door, the midgets looked at each other, "Whoa...spaz..."

The pig came back and slammed the door, soon loud squeals were heard, then the sound of pork sizzling, then someone chewing really loud.

"What a pig, let's go home..."

"Eh-he-he-he-he burn, BURN!"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Dark was still staring at the ceiling, "I wonder what Krad's going right now..."

"Kyu?"

There was a knock on the door, Dark got up and answered it, it was an old man carrying a basket of apples.

"Food!"

Dark grabbed one of the apples and ate it, the old man smiled at him showing his nasty yellow teeth, it made Dark lose his appetite.

"Hello girly."

"I'm a boy, little man."

"Is that so?"

"Yea."

"That's nice, and I'm not a man."

"You don't say...what do you want Obaa-chan?"

"Would you like an apple?"

The old lady held up a horribly lumpy apple and smiled at Dark.

"...that doesn't look safe."

"Non-sense! It's perfectly safe!"

"...can I take another one?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I'm nice enough to even offer you one and now you're complaining."

"Fine then, I won't take one."

"Oh come on, take it, TAKE IT."

"It's okay, really."

"Take it before I shove it down your throat."

"...fine I'll take it."

"Good now take a bite into it."

"You just said I had to take it, you didn't say I had to eat it..."

"EAT IT GODDAMN IT."

"Maybe later..."

"Eat it NOW!"

Dark stared at the crazy little old woman, then at the apple in his hand, "Hey...you're that old lady that gave me the collar thingy."

"Whatever are you talking about?"

"Yea, and you gave me that coat too."

"What are you talking about?"

"...are you really that deaf?"

"I'm not deaf, I just don't know what you're talking about."

"...you have a horribly ugly face you know that?"

The old lady's eye twitched, she forced a smile, "Just eat the damn apple."

"Why?"

"Because..."

"Because what?"

"EAT IT NOW!"

"Whoa...calm down before you have a heart attack."

"I'm CALM."

"...you're as calm as you're insane."

The old woman snapped at him, "I'M NOT INSANE AND I'M NOT UGLY!"

"Have you looked into a mirror lately?"

"Yes I look into a talking one everyday."

"Talking mirror?"

"Nevermind that just eat the apple."

"Lady, your mirror must not reflect what I'm seeing..."

"Just eat it!"

"Okay! Okay!"

Dark looked at the apple and took a small bite out of it, the apple dropped out of his hand and he fell unconscious. The old lady cackled and left the scene of the crime, soon enough the midgets returned and found Dark on the floor, but no matter how hard they looked they couldn't find what's wrong. With hopped around the boy kyu'ing worriedly, it spotted the apple and hopped towards it, the midgets saw it and looked in disgust.

"Ewww, what an ugly apple."

"Throw it away! Throw it away!"

So they chucked the apple out the window, and mourned for Dark, they put him in a glass case as though he was a display item and put him outside to wait for the Prince Charming that was suppose to wake the boy up with a kiss. But instead of a Prince Charming, the big demon came, he smashed the glass and threw Dark over his shoulders and disappeared, taking the rabbit who was clinging onto Dark along. With bounced on Dark over and over again, he watched the boy become conscious again, he looked around and groaned.

"Where am I?"

"Kyu?"

"Hey With."

"We're going to the next stop."

"So soon?"

"You were an idiot to eat that apple."

"You saw? Man, she forced me! And it tasted like shit!"

"She was the evil queen."

"She was ugly too...so...where are we going?"

"You're going to a ball."

"What?"

"You'll see."

"I don't want to."

"You don't have a choice."

"It's not fair."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The dwarves stared at where the demon had disappeared, soon a horse arrived with a Prince with short black hair and a Prince Charming smile. The Prince looked around and saw the smashed glass, he looked at the dwarves angrily.

"What is my damsel in distress?"

"A big thingy took him away."

"Him? Was he pretty?"

The midgets nodded.

"Very well, I shall go rescue my damsel in distress, which way did they go?"

The midgets pointed to where they last saw Dark and the demon. The horse nickered and was about to gallop away but a voice stopped them, a charming voice.

"Wait!"

Prince Charming turned around to see Prince Charming, "Hello Prince Charming, what might you be doing here?"

"Why hello Prince Charming, I'm looking for my damsel in distress which I'm suppose to rescue."

"What a coincidence! Me too! Shall we be off then?"

"Yes, let's."

"I haven't seen you since last week at Prince Charming's castle."

"Yes, I was wondering how you were doing."

"Me too! We really must have tea sometime."

"I agree."

The two Prince Charmings and their stallions trotted off leaving the midgets behind. The midgets looked at each other in silence.

"...at least we have enough space in the house."

"True."

"I don't have to sleep outside!"

"Whoa...who told you that?"

"...but we have enough space..."

"Sorry, you still have to sleep outside."

"Why!?"

"Because."

"Why is this world so cruel to me!? WHY!?"

"Shut up."

They bickered and bickered until it was nighttime and they heard fluttering. The midgets stopped dead in their tracks and looked up, there was a golden bird, it landed and turned into a human with long golden hair, and golden eyes. They stared in awe, one of them reached out to touch the boy's hair but the boy stepped back and shook his head.

"Ah, ah, ah, no touchy the hair."

The midgets stared at him, the blonde sweatdropped, "Whoa...midgets."

"We aren't midgets, we're dwarves, damn it, why does everyone say that!?"

"Hn. Maybe it's because you look like midgets? Very old midgets with beards and big noses."

"I'm Gullible."

"I'm Bald."

"I'm Stupid."

"I'm Hungry."

"I'm Nerdy."

"I'm Insane."

The blonde raised a brow, "...and your names are..."

"Those are our names."

The dragon blinked, he suppressed the urge to burst out laughing, after all insane laughter never got him anywhere, so instead, he calmly stated, "I'm Krad."

The midgets stared at him, "Ohhhhh..."

"Stop staring at me."

"So you're the Krad Dark was talking about...no wonder he talks about you so much."

Krad looked at the midgets, "Dark was here?"

"Yes."

"Which way did he go?"

"Tell me..."

Krad glared at them, "Shit...it's almost dawn...you saw which way he went right?"

"Yes...he went that way." All the midgets pointed to the direction they had pointed for the Prince Charmings.

The blonde turned back to dragon form and flew up, he looked down at the little house with the little men standing outside it, still staring at him, he sighed and flew off. He didn't realize that he burnt their little house down, he also didn't realize that the wolf was around at that time. Krad flew for a bit before finding a place to sleep until morning. While back to the little burnt down house, a single midget was jumping for joy.

"Now you all have to sleep outside too!"

They heard a howl and looked at the forest where the wolf was, it ran towards them, the midgets panicked, "Scatter!"

They ran off in every direction as fast as their little feet would carry them hoping the wolf would eat the others first, no, these dwarves couldn't be described as loyal, honorable or noble.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall...do I look ugly?"

"...is this a trick question?"

"Is that a yes or no?"

"...no?"

"How about compared to Dark Mousy."

"You're an ugly, ugly, horribly demented old hag."

"What!?"

"I meant...what I meant was...yea, actually, that _was _what I meant...I'm doomed."

The queen didn't reply it, she just threw it down the cliff and no one heard from it again.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Nya Yay! My fic is funny! Ureshii! Thankies for reviewing! Please review (again)! And I'm sorry if I suck and comments, don't sue me!

**Hakudoshi-chan**-I like torturing Dark don't I, it's like a bad habit. I like making Krad suffer a bit too, like making him Juliet, lol.

**Mizuko**-Glad you love the fic nya

**Amethyst Bubble**-I read out loud to myself sometimes for reasons I don't know, but it's nice to know you liked the mirror parts and Krad flying into a tree while thinking to himself.

**golden-flame4**-You're just like me! DarkxKrad!! XD

**Seena58**-Thankies for the ideas, I left out Cinderella, thanks for reminding me nya

**darksaphire**- You like? Glad you enjoy it and think it's funny nya

**Mysterious Kaitou**-Me? Genius? Thankies so much, you make me sound like some sort of...genius! =)


	5. Bibadi Babadi Boo

Fairytale Disorder

Chapter 5: Bibadi Babadi Boo

"It's not fair."

"You're repeating yourself..."

"But it's true! It's not fair!"

"You really don't have a choice, I mean you survived two so far, what's another one...or two...or three...whatever."

"But I wanna see Krad!"

"You can see him after you're done all of them."

"But-but...I'll be old by then!"

"...that's a possibility-oh look we're here! Off you go now, bye-bye, have fun with the evil stepsisters!!"

Dark watched as the demons ran off, he grumbled, "Stupid demons..."

The boy turned around to see a house, he walked up to the door only to find it locked, he started banging on it, "Oi! Let me in you bums!"

The door swung open and Dark fell over, then rats crawled all over him dancing and cheering, rats with shirts and hats on...that was something that he didn't expect. There were footsteps coming towards him, the rats all yelped and scurried away, the boy didn't have time to react, he looked up, indeed, there was a horribly ugly old lady with her gray hair up like a....old lady and she had a wart right on her nose like a witch, she was way too old to be a evil stepsister, so he said the next thing that came to his mind.

"Man Obaa-chan, you're ugly."

The old lady didn't react at first, then her face turned red and her wart seemed to steam a bit, Dark almost expected another little wart to bubble up in the middle of it, "You should have more respect for you stepmother! You-you...you...what's your name child?"

"I'm Dark, and I'm not a girl." He wanted to make sure at least that much was clear.

"Yes, yes...you insolent child! You're worthless, Dark, why I oughta...ahem...anyways come on in now, your stepsisters should be waking up now, go on up and wake them up Dark."

"Yea, yea I got it."

Dark frowned and walked through the house wondering where "go on up" was, luckily his little rodent friends were there to help, they had to run to catch up and they talked to him with their high squeaky little voices, the rats lead him to a staircase as he went up the rats disappeared and somehow magically appeared at the top. Giving him a short tour before telling him where the evil step sisters were sleeping, Dark opened the door, it was pitch black, so he went over and opened the curtains.

"AH! MY EYES! I'M BLIND!"

A hiss, "THE LIGHT! IT BURNS!"

The screams scared the shit out of Dark who stumbled and fell, he sat on his butt until his vision cleared, and the first thing he saw was, a foot. Not just any foot, an extremely long and hideous foot, that very foot started going down towards him in slow motion, the boy just stared at it hitting the ground until some sense managed to pound it's way back into his head. He blinked for a second watching the owner of the foot sit up, they stared at each other and blinked then they screamed bloody hell, the person grabbed a pillow and threw it at Dark, it hit him square in the face, muffling his scream of pure terror with a "wumph".

The next thing Dark knew, he had ran into a stable he never knew the house had, he rubbed his eyes, then his nose whining to himself, "I swear! I was going to go blind! My eyes hurt..."

The stable had a horse, a dog and somehow the rats just magically appeared out of nowhere. Dark sighed, "This is hell..."

The horse whinnied to show Dark just how much it pitied him, he smiled and petted the horse, "Horsy! At least someone looks somewhat normal here."

"Dark! Where are you!? Come over here NOW!"

"Where are you?"

"In the kitchen!"

"And that is..."

"Main floor!"

"Kay..."

Finally, after what seemed like hours of searching, Dark found the kitchen, there stood the evil stepmother and evil stepsisters, the boy avoided their faces since he valued his eyes, "Yea...what do you want?"

"You, young man have to do chores."

The evil stepsisters gasped, "Mother! You mean she's a boy!?"

Dark nearly choked on air at the comment, "No shit, oh my god! What do you know? I'm a boy! Whoa! No way!"

"Shut up Dark and get to work."

"I can't do chores, I'm fire-prone."

"Excuses, excuses...GET TO WORK!"

"Whoa...alright, alright, what the hell am I suppose to do?"

"...you can start off by sweeping the hallway."

"What the fuck!? And that's like how long!?"

"DO IT!"

Dark sighed and threw his arms up in defeat, "Okay, okay, just don't blame me if anything gets set on fire."

The stepmother didn't have a comeback for that one, "Just go."

"Hai..."

Dark stalked off with the broom the stepmother passed to him, "Kyu?"

"Yes With, I have to sweep this endless hallway even though I'm more likely to set it on fire, and-don't-ask."

"Kyu!"

Before he reached the end of the hallway of hell, he started dragging the broom, and it snapped in half, Dark stopped and turned around, he stared at the broom then he started on his way back to the kitchen, _at least it didn't catch on fire..._he kicked the sweeping end of the broom, it went down the hall at such an incredible speed thanks to the slipperiness of the marble tiled floor, it caught on fire. _Alright...I take that back...I'm seriously fire-prone, I wonder why I haven't been killed in a fire yet...oh right, stakes, fire, Krad, so **that's** why...I miss him...I wanna go home!_ He headed back to the kitchen where the stepmother was still standing, she gave him that odd look that said "what-the-hell-are-you-doing-back-here?"

"Uhhh...the broom kind of...broke..."

"And how did that happen?"

"Uhhh...it snapped then the other half caught on fire for some reason..."

The stepmother raised a brow as though not convinced, "Is that so?"

"Yea..."

"Very well, go grab a pail and fill it with water..." and she gave out a long line of instructions, "Do you understand?"

Dark nodded for a bit, then stopped and started shaking his head, the old woman sighed and rubbed her temples, "Go grab a rag, a bucket of water and start washing the floors, you can't possibly set that on fire..."

"I wouldn't bet on it..." Dark muttered under his breath, but he went off and did as he was instructed anyways.

On the way down the hall Dark slipped on the tiles and the water that use to be in the pail was all over the floors. The boy just stood there staring at the floor dumbfound, then the evil stepsisters came along. It all happened in slow motion through Dark's eyes, they stepped on the water and slipped with a really low, "Wwwwwhhhhhoooooaaaaa..."

Dark closed his eyes and listened for the crash, there were two thuds that soon followed, when he finally forced an eye open he saw the two laying in a head, their puffy dresses made them more tangled up. The stepmother came bustling along down the hall, Dark covered his eyes again as the lady slipped and joined the heap on the floor.

"...ouch...that's gotta hurt."

The stepmother shrieked, "How did this happen!?"

"...I tripped..."

"You-you..."

She didn't finish since someone knocked on the door, Dark paused then went and answered the door since the other three were temporarily unavailable, he swung the door open, there was a man in a page suit, Dark blinked, the man was short and pudgy, he had a long white curly wig on his head which was probably all shiny and bald, Dark gawked for a moment, "Whoa...nice wig..."

The man glared at the boy and cleared his throat, then announced, "There is a ball being held tonight as a celebration of Prince Charming's return, you and any other ladies of the house are invited to the castle for the ball where Prince Charming will pick his bride."

Dark looked bored and yawned, "Uh huh, that's very nice and all-bye." Then he slammed the door in the page's face.

By the time he reached the three, they had untangled themselves and were frolicking around happily in their soaking wet dresses, "Yay! A ball! We're going to a ball! And Prince Charming will marry me!"

"No! He'll marry me!"

"No! Me!"

Then came the cat fight, luckily, the wise old, very old stepmother stepped in, "Now girls, go find a dress and we'll get going."

They squealed and headed upstairs, the stepmother took a look a Dark, "You on the other hand are staying here."

"I didn't say I want to go."

"Well either way you aren't going since you didn't complete a single chore and you don't have proper ball wear."

Dark shrugged. "Like I said, I don't want to go."

"...go make tea for your sisters."

"I just got here today, I'm not related to any of you."

"Oh quiet you, away with you!"

"Hai, hai..." Dark turned around and headed into the kitchen, a second later he headed back out with a bored expression, he pointed back at the room he had walked out of, "The kitchen's on fire."

The stepmother ran into the kitchen to stop the fire, Dark rolled his eyes and headed up a stairway which he never noticed before. When he reached the top, he couldn't believe what he saw, a really pretty looking long coat, like the one that evil ugly shriveled up old lady gave him, only with shinier leather. Then rats started filling the room, they were cheering and hugging each other, With covered his eyes with his big fluffy ears, Dark just gawked. One of the rats came up to him, tugging on his pant leg, squeaking about how the jacket was a present to him from...the rats, Dark forced a smile and put the jacket on, it was really comfy, so he decided to show it off. Too bad for him, the second he went downstairs the evil stepsisters took one look at it and shredded it to pieces, the boy glared at them and shook his fist while the rats gathered around and mourned for the shredded coat.

"Well, we'll be off now, ta-ta." The stepmother smiled and waved as the three of them got into a carriage that was waiting for them outside, once the door closed Dark kicked the wall.

"Not fair! How come all the nice coats I get always end up shredded or lost!? It's fucking not fair!!! You-you fugly bums!"

Suddenly, there was a magical sounding "Poof!" Dark whirled around to see a plump looking lady standing there holding a wand.

"Why hello dearie, I heard you crying so I thought I'd drop by."

Dark wasn't in a good mood, "Bug off Obaa-chan, I'm a _boy_, and I wasn't crying"

The lady giggled, "Sure, sure, I'm your fairy godmother!"

The boy turned around, "Really?"

"Yes, and I know exactly what you want!"

"Yea! I wanna go home!"

"No you don't, you want to go to the ball."

"No I don't, I wanna go home."

"No you don't, you want to meet Prince Charming."

"No I don't, I want to see Krad, the Prince Charmings are messed up."

"YOU WANT TO GO TO THE BALL!"

"Obaa-chan, I think you have the wrong person, I just wanna go home."

The fairy godmother took out a list and scrolled through it, "Are you...Dark Mousy? Cinderella's replacement."

"...not sure bout the last part with that...cinderface? But I'm Dark."

"Then you want to go to the ball!"

"But I don't!"

"Oh shush you, and let me work my magic."

"Wha-"

Dark was cut off, the fairy godmother waved her wand while singing her "bibadi babadi boo" song, and some of the rats ended up being horses, there was one that turned into a coach, and she used a squash for a carriage since there wasn't a pumpkin around. The boy gawked as the magic transformed another rat into a door boy.

"Now dearie, time to work on you...hmmm..."

Dark gulped, he didn't like the way the words were spoken, the fairy godmother waved her wand and in an instant Dark was in a beautiful gown with glass slippers on, "O-oi! What's the big idea!? Why am I in a _dress_!?"

"According to the list, you want a nice looking gown and glass slippers."

"Hell no! I just want a coat like the one I had until those bums ripped it up."

"Picky, picky, picky...fine...white doesn't suit you anyways."

Dark glared at the old lady, with another flick of her wrist, Dark was wearing another long sleek black coat, it was more comfortable than the other two, he even had nice boots to accompany the coat, though they were somewhat extremely small.

"That's more like it! Hey can I get bigger boots, these are way too small."

"Off to the ball with you! Have a nice time with Prince Charming!"

The boy stayed silent as he stared at the old lady in disbelief, "Bu-but-"

"Off with you! Get into the damn carriage!"

Dark ran to the carriage and the horses started trotting off towards the palace, only then did the fairy godmother smile cheerfully and waved goodbye, "Don't forget to leave before midnight! Every will be gone by then!"

The boy crossed his arms and huffed, "Whatever happened to the good old fat jolly folks?"

When he arrived at the ball, everyone gawked at him, and he didn't like it, everyone was dressed in classy suites and gowns, he felt somewhat excluded, so he just hung around the garden in the back with his drink. He looked inside once, all the girls were gawking at the Prince who sat on his throne giving the occasional smile, he's smile faltered when he saw the evil stepsisters, Dark sighed and went back to staring at the nothingness.

A moment later there was a, "Mind if I join you?"

Dark whirled around, standing there was a prince-like figure with short brown hair and the Prince Charming smile, the boy shrugged.

"Would you like to dance?"

"Not really."

Prince Charming gave him a long blank look that obviously said, "WHAT!? HOW CAN YOU REJECT ME!? I'M PRINCE CHARMING! ANY GIRL WOULD DIE TO DANCE WITH ME! DIE! DIE I SAY! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD! HELL'S FROZEN OVER!"

But instead, he smiled with some sort of sparkle in his eye, "Wow, you're the first girl who rejected me, I've decided! You're going to be my bride!"

Dark nearly spat out his drink, "W-what!? I'm a guy damnit! Get it straight!"

"Hm? It doesn't matter, I've decided, you, are, going, to, be, my, bride."

Prince Charming leaned in for a kiss, but luckily the clock struck 11:37 Dark glanced at it, _ah screw it, there's only like twenty minutes left anyways_, he made a run for it, but it was really uncomfortable running in boots that were too small for him so he kicked them off and ran in his bare feet, he ran all the way back to the house. By the time he actually got into the house his coat disappeared.

"Damn it! There goes another coat..."

-----------------------------------

The next early morning, around two in the morning, the page came back, with a pair of shoes, the stepsisters looked at him groggily, "Yes? Has the prince chosen me as his bride?"

The page sweatdropped, "Err...no, but he has decided that whoever's feet fit these boots will be his bride."

He held up a boot and a second later, the stepsisters made a grab for it, the boot ended up being way too small for their oversized, hideous feet, Dark headed over to see what the commotion was, he yawned, "What's all this about?"

The page took a look at him and jumped, "That's the bride! That's the bride! The boy that looks like a girl! He rejected the prince! He's the bride!"

The stepsisters looked at him in horror, "HIM!?"

"Yupyup, him alright!"

Dark didn't stick around to hear the rest of it, he just ran for his dear life, he zipped past the page and onto the streets, the poor rabbit clinging onto the boy's shoulder for dear life, he didn't stop until he felt something pick him up and move at a faster pace, he scowled, "Took you long enough! Oh my god! I almost got married to some guy who enjoyed getting rejected!"

"That's nice, come on now, we need to go to and get you stuck up into a tower with no doors and a single window somehow."

"...great...just great..."

------------------------------------

Sometime in the morning, Prince Charming got impatient, "Servant!"

"Yes prince?"

"I thought you said you found my bride."

"I did sir, but he ran away somehow."

"Hm? Really now? That's the first time that's happened, now I really _must _have him for a bride! Which way did he go?"

The page pointed to the direction Dark had disappeared off to, Prince Charming got onto his horse and started riding, he rode for some bit until he met up with his fellow Prince Charmings.

"Prince Charmings!"

They turned around and greeted him with the Prince Charming smile™, "Why hello there Prince Charming!"

"Have you seen my bride?"

"No, but we're here to find our damsel in distress, care to join us?"

"Why I'd be delighted to join you, Prince Charmings. Thank you for your gracious offer."

"Think nothing of it Prince Charming." The band of Prince Charmings all smiled at each other and trotted off.

---------------------------------

Krad yawned, he missed the barn, at least he didn't have to sleep in a cave like a bear, his back was sore and his claws were chipped. Boy was Dark going to pay after this, he stretched his wings and flew off, there was a town nearby so he decided to drop by to check it out, there were no people on the streets, except for three hideously ugly ladies, but better than nothing. The blonde walked up to them, they appeared to be dazed out for some reason, Krad had to wave his hand in front of them several times before they finally somwhat snapped out of it.

The stepmother was first to regain her voice, she asked absentmindedly, "Yes?"

The blonde raised a brow and looked down the road which was what everyone seemed to be gawking at, he asked, "What's so interesting about down the road?"

"...the Prince's bride ran down there...and he didn't choose one of my daughters..."

Krad took a look at the stepsisters, he couldn't blame the prince, "Who's the bride?"

"Dark...strange boy that set everything on fire...he rejected..." The stepmother twitched, "Prince...who, enjoyed getting rejected..."

There was no mistake about it, it was Dark alright, the only person who could set the most ridiculous things on fire without meaning to, Krad nodded his thanks, not that they noticed, and ran down the road until he was out of sight, then he turned into a dragon and flew off. At least he knew that Dark rejected the princes, but on the other hand, he couldn't help but shiver at the thought of some prince who enjoyed being rejected.

---------------------------

_With a wave of a wand, could your life really be changed?_

---------------------------

Nya I finally updated! School is living hell. I'm running out of fairy tales again! Help please! I don't know why I can't think of other fairy tales, but I can't nya Please R&R

**Hakudoshi-chan**- Being sadistic is fun! ) I thought it was about time Dark gets put into a dress nya Fun!

**Amethyst Bubble**- Last time I left someone trapped in a tent, they dunked me into the lake P But at least it was fun, glad my fic made you do that nya

**Mysterious Kaitou**- I started chanting darkradarkrad for some reason, it's contageious XD Thankies! You make me feel smart nya D

**golden-flame4**- Sorry, I had to end that chapter somehow or else I'd end up typing even more, and then it'd take even longer to update, another Prince Charming joins the...umm...Prince Charming club!

**Seena58**- Thankies! Krad's getting there, kinda slow...but still! I've seen an apple sorta like that once, but that was since I kept on dropping it. P

**darksaphire**- Lol, I finally updated! Sorry it took like forever, I wish it was a holiday right now!

**Pyro Demon**- D Glad you like it! I'll update again as soon as I can!

**Black Kyra**- Gomen, I'll try to add them a bit later, but I just couldn't fit them into this chapter, forgive me? Glad you like the story though )

**kat himura**- Don't worry, I'll keep updating, maybe a bit slowly, but I will update, thankies nya!


	6. Anything but the hair

Fairytale Disorder

Chapter 6: Anything _but_ the hair

Dark looked at the tower, there was but a little window, barely big enough for him to fit through, he gaped, "And how am _I _supposed to get through _that_!?"

The demon shrugged, "Simple, we climb up, stuff you in and then we're off!"

"Easier said than done, you'll never be able to climb up that tower."

"You underestimate demons."

The boy frowned, "And I suppose I'm going to regret that."

The little one chirped in, "You got that right, alright, let's stuff him in that tower! We have…a couple minutes."

The larger demon puffed onto his hands and started climbing up the tower like it was a pole, when he reached the window he growled, "Get in."

Dark crossed his arms, "How? In case you haven't noticed, I'm facing the wrong way."

The demon snorted and lifted him up, he was tossed through the window and landed with a "thud", "Here's your…extra long hair…"

"Why do I need long hair?"

"You'll see. Now put it on, it took us forever to dye this."

Dark picked it up in disgust, "How do I put it on?"

"Tie it or something, we have to go, bye."

The demons had disappeared, yet again, Dark sighed looking around for string, he looked at the hair, it was long…very long…it hung out the window. Frowning, he started pulling it in…it took him forever to haul it all in. The hair had to be at least a mile long, "Why the hell do I need all this hair!?"

He grabbed some string and started tying the 'hair extension' to his not-exactly-long-but-still-long-enough-to-tie-to hair, he sighed and decided to look around. He managed to take two steps before tripping over his hair, "Damn it! Even Krad's hair wasn't this long!"

Then he heard a "Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair."

"Kyu?"

Dark looked down, there was an old lady standing at the bottom of the tower, "Who are you?"

The old lady shrieked, "You're not Rapunzel!"

"Of course I'm not! First of all, I'm a _boy_! And second," He yelled, "I wouldn't be caught dead with a name like that!"

"What a rude boy! Let down your hair already! You do have long hair don't you?"

"Yea but why should I!?"

"Because I've brought back food."

Dark thought about it, his stomach was growling at him to stop being so stupid and to let down his hair already, "What kind of food?"

The old lady looked in her basket, "Bread, assorted baked goods, and fruits."

The boy shrugged, "Sounds good enough to me." He let his hair down only to receive a sharp tug, "OW! How heavy are you!?"

"Heavy!? Let me tell you boy, I climb up and down this tower several times a day and you say I'm heavy!?"

Dark winced as the lady continued climbing up the tower by pulling on his long elegant hair, it was a wonder why it hadn't detached itself from the boy's hair yet, "Can't you climb up faster or something!? It's _painful_."

"Stop yer whining you wuss!"

"Don't call me a wuss! You're not the one whose hair is being used as a rope!"

"Well shut your mouth for another minute!"

After awhile, the old lady finally crawled through the window with the basket in her hand, Dark frowned and rubbed his head, "Can I have the food now?"

The old lady grumbled but tossed the basket over to him nonetheless, "There."

Dark looked through it, "Hey! Where's the assorted baked goods!?"

She cackled, "You dumb boy, you oughta know that there aren't any baked goods around here."

He took a bite out of the bread, "The name's Dark, not dumb boy.What about the bread? Is that not a baked good?"

"The bread's not baked."

Dark nearly spat it out but the old lady started laughing, "You better be joking!"

"Of course I am you dumb boy! The bread's baked but not good or assorted."

He nodded, "I'd give it a four out of ten."

"Don't be so picky you dumb boy! You're lucky to have food in front of you and now you go and complain! You horrid, horrid child!"

"You admitted that the bread was bad."

"…quiet you."

Dark finished off the food and stared at his hair, "Do you have a brush or something?"

The old lady handed his a brush and a comb, "That's all there is."

The boy started combing his hair, which unfortunately, was full of tangles due to being trampled on, tripped over, climbed on and possibly other horrible things. The comb snapped in half, Dark stared at it wondering how Krad kept his so neat, "This is hell…"

Finally coming to his senses he used the brush instead, when he finally ridded his hair of all evil tangles alike, it was noon, and the old lady had to climb down. The boy sighed and let his hair down again, the old lady grabbed it and slid down at a faster pace than she was comfortable with since there was no friction in that long silky purple hair. Dark was pull the hair up when someone gave it a sharp tug, he looked down angrily, "What now!?"

But it wasn't the old lady, it was a man with curly brown locks and a noble steed at his side. Dark ducked hoping that the prince was as stupid as he hoped he'd be and not see him or go away thinking no one was home. Too bad for him the prince wasn't as dumb as Dark had hoped, he had seen the pretty face and was enchanted. He grabbed the hair and started climbing up, Dark looked out the window and panicked, "Shit, shit, shit, not another one, shit, I'm stuck here…"

He paced around thinking frantically, then an idea came to him, "Hell with it, goodbye long hair."

Then another idea came to him, _if I lose the hair then I can't get down…what if I…_he looked around, he found a kettle, out the window it went. There was a "thunk" and a low groan, Dark grinned and looked around for something bigger and heavier, this was going to be fun. He looked around and found half a brick, Dark didn't give a thought to why it was there or where it came from, out the window it went along with a vase and some flowers. But the determined Prince Charming climbed on.

"Evil witch! I will rescue my damsel in distress!"

Dark called out, "I'm not in distress, go home!"

"Ha! You won't fool me! Clearly there's a damsel in there."

The boy poked his head out the window in annoyance, nearly falling out as the prince clambered up, "Distressed I may be but damsel I am not, so go away!"

The prince ignored him, somehow drawing out his sword and swinging it around cutting a few strands of long precious hair, "Where is the witch? Bring out the witch! And I shall smite her with my mighty smiting ways!"

"Hey, hey! Watch the hair, I don't care what you smite, smite anything _but _the hair!"

When the Prince Charming was up he gasped, "You're not a damsel! You're a boy!"

The words _no shit_ echoed through his head, which at the moment was somewhat empty, he exclaimed monotonically, "Oh wow, no really? Who would've thought? I'm male! Whoa, no way!" He looked at the prince boredly, "Anything else you _amazingly _discovered about me?"

The prince looked at him dumbly then started swinging his sword again, "…where's the witch!? I shall defeat her and rescue you!"

"She went out, may I take a message?"

"Hmmm…then I can take this chance to rescue you…but if she comes back then I'll be caught, so it'd be better to act out now unless she's coming back right now…but then I'd have to fight her…"

Dark yawned, wondering how long he was going to be talking to himself, grabbing the brush, he started combing his hair again. He liked it when his hair was long and smooth, and shiny…and silky…like Krad's, no wonder the dragon was so obsessed with his hair. The golden strands were always glowing under the sunlight, angelic shine, never any tangles, it was like magic. While brushing his hair, the prince walked up to him and slice it off, he looked at the hair and screamed, "OH MY GOD, MY HAIR! YOUFUCKINGBASTARDICANTBELIEVEYOUCUTOFFMYHAIRISWEARIMGOINGTOKILLYOUYOUHORRIBLYSTUPIDASSOFAPRINCE!"

Apparently he forgot that the hair was an extension.

The prince tied the hair to the bed and threw it out the window, Dark glared daggers at him, "Come on, we can escape before the witch comes back!"

The boy rolled his eyes and walked towards the prince, he was getting sick of the you-need-rescuing-routine. So he pushed the Prince Charming out the window. "You go first."

He then grabbed the hair and slid down, landing gracefully on the fallen prince. Brushing himself off, Dark ran off into the forest, but then a minute later he came back, stepping on the prince he called, "With!"

The rabbit looked down with its enormously cute red eyes, "Kyu?"

"Come on down!"

"Kyu!"

The rabbit hopped down and landed snugly in Dark's arms, then they were off, but not before Dark gave the prince a kick, "That's for the hair."

They ran into the forest and waited for some time until a large gust of wind blew by picking them up, "You're late, _again_!"

"Sorry, we were figuring out how much more princesses you have to replace."

"I quit! Retire! Whatever! Just let me go home!"

"There's good news and bad news and the so-so news. Which do you want to hear?"

"The good news."

The demon paused, "…actually that's part of the bad news, which is that there are no good news."

Dark snorted, "Fine, the so-so news."

"That'd be, the next stop would've been this castle with a horrid beast which you'd have to kiss and stuff but he disappeared after he went into the woods. The woods where the fox ate the gingerbread man and Hansel and Gretel's house blew up."

"What happened to the beast?"

"He disappeared in the woods."

"Kinda tragic…"

"Next so-so news is that the Charming Frog Prince got eaten by a hawk while hopping around on lily pads, he never knew what ate him."

Dark smiled, "That means it's over?"

"No, that's the bad news, you still haveone left."

"What!?"

"Did I mention that there's a band of Prince Charmings on the loose looking for their damsel in distress?"

Dark groaned, "I wish they'd disappear…"

"Sucks to be you, tired?"

"Hell yea."

"Good, don't fall asleep, you'll get plenty of it later. That is...after you get out of the woods..."

"What?"

"Don't ask questions that you don't want to know the answers to."

"…"

-------------------

"We are the band of Prince Charmings!

Let them faint when they see us!

We are the band of Prince Charmings!

Off to rescue our damsels in distress!"

"Halt." The princes stopped, "What have we here?"

They all looked at the prince at the base of the tower, one of the Prince Charmings hopped off his horse and poked the prince with his sword, "Why, hello there O fallen one."

The prince stirred and looked around, "Prince Charming!" Then he looked at the rest of them, "And Prince Charmings!"

"Greetings Prince Charming, what happened here?"

"My damsel in distress got away, she must've been under the spell of the wicked witch," He drew his sword, "I shall smite her!"

"As shall we all, care to join us on our hunt for out damsels?"

He flashed them the Prince Charming smile™, "Why I'd be delighted, you're so thoughtful, as always."

They returned the smile filled with shiny white teeth, "But of course, we Prince Charmings have to stick together since no one's quite as charming as us."

They shared a laugh and got onto their horses, "Now which way did she head off to?"

"Towards the Dragon's Castle!"

"And off we go!"

---------------------

Krad grumbled to himself, he saw a tower so he decided to check it out. He landed softly in human form, there was a human shaped dent in the ground with various items beside it. He looked at it, it was too big to be Dark's form, he sighed in relief. Touching the dirt he found that it was still warm, whoever fell there had just left, he was catching up. Something tickled his ear, he turned around to find long purple hair dangling, he stared in horror for a second before looking up. It was coming from a little window in the tower.

He changed into a bird and went up for a look, the hair was attached to the bed. The image of Dark with long hair, extremely long hair popped into his mind. He didn't notice an old lady climbing up the hair and into the tower. Changing back to human form he looked around.

"AHHH!"

Krad whirled around in surprise, "WHAT!?"

"You changed again!"

"What?"

The old lady babbled on, "Yea, that's right! You're not that dumb boy! He had purple hair! You, yours is gold! You changed again! I always knew that boy was up to no good!"

Krad listened to her talk, "Dark was here?"

"Dark? Yea…I think that was his name. Real stupid boy he was. Real hungry too. And gullible."

The blonde compared Dark to the lady's description, they were close, very close. "Which way did he go?" The old lady gave him a good long look, after awhile Krad decided that she fell asleep with her eyes opened, "…hello?"

She snapped her head up, "What!? What are you going here!?"

The old lady had problems, Krad concluded, "Which way did Dark go?"

"Dark? Oh that dumb boy. There's only two ways he could've gone, to the Dragon's Castle, or back to town."

Krad sighed, "Alright then, Dragon's Castle it is."

Someone tugged on his hair, "And where do you think yer going?"

"Away from here."

The dragon was annoyed when the lady didn't let go of his long precious hair, "No yer not."

"Oh yes I am, just watch." He jumped out of the window, half way towards the ground he sprouted wings and flew off as a golden bird.

The old lady scratched her head, "Well I'll be damned…my mother used to warn me about them tricksters…damn raccoons..."

---------------

"I suppose this is better than having to look at the queen everyday…it's nice and peaceful…"

Shards laid on the ground, then someone walked by, "Mirror, mirror-"

It was the evil queen, the shards snapped back, "That's _shards_ to you, I don't work for you anymore so just go crawl into a hole and die."

The queen didn't go away, she picked up one of the shards and threw it into a rock shattering it into a million pieces, "Shards, shards on the ground who's the fairest one of all. Answer me or lose another piece of yourself."

One of the shards grumbled, "Not _you_. Dark Mousy is still the fairest of the land."

"And where is he?"

"On his way to the Dragon's Castle, but he has to pass the woods first, now please stop looked into me. It's very painful…"

The queen snorted, "Very well, I shall be going to the dragon's castle, Dark Mousy shall die."

"Sure, sure, just please, _please _go away." With a "poof" the queen disappeared, "I hope I never see _that _face again."

Then something big landed beside him, it roared, "Great…a dragon…no you are not the fairest dragon of this land, the dragon that goes by the name Krad is, and he's off to the Dragon's Castle…wait…that's _your _castle. Shouldn't you be oh I don't know…guarding it?"

The dragon roared, the shards sighed, "I see, no princess? Well there's a band of Prince Charmings headed off towards your castle and their 'damsel in distress' not to mention that stupid animal, appalling, awful, bad-looking, beast, deformed, disfigured, dog, dogface, foul, frightful, grisly, gross, grotesque, grungy, haglike, hard-featured, hideous, homely, horrid, ill-favored, loathsome, misshapen, monstrous, pig, plain, plug, repelling, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, unbeautiful, uncomely, uninviting, unlovely, unprepossessing, unseemly, unsightly, ugly queen…if I had a mouth I'd throw up, if I had eyes I'd be blind…need I say more?"

The dragon snorted in surprise and flapped its wings, but then the shard called out, "Wait! Bring me! I need to see this for myself!"

The beast roared, picked up the shard and flew off back to it's castle where everyone was heading. It roared again, the shards would've nodded if it could, "Oh shit is right, we're going to be the last ones there."

------------------------------

Nya

Talking shards also work as thesaruses and dictionaries as well as maps! :D Buy one now! Almost there! Only a couple chapters left! XD

**SpinningAvia**- Me too! Obsessed with Dark and Krad XD Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, Beauty and the Beast would've worked but I'd rather not have Dark kiss some hairy monster thing. :P

**Hakudoshi-chan**- They have their weird ways that only work for them, they all have some sort of disorder too! So far there are...4 Prince Charmings after Dark :) It's a race to reach the dragon's castle XD

**Seena58-** It's not a mob! It's a band! :) And Rapuzel was one of your suggestions! Thankies! Krad's flying as fast as he can! And the Prince Charmings are riding! XD This is going to be so fun...-plotting evil-

**golden-flame4**- Prince Charmings will take over the world!! XD Lol, mindless humour, good phrase for it :P

**Mysterious Kaitou**- Dark's going to end up with a mouth full of fur if I do beauty and the beast, lol, I had to look back too since I had to look back on what I did too, I really should update more ofter :P But big plans ahead XD

**Ailin**- Different? I guess you could call this different...maybe even a little messed up :P glad you like it though nya

**darksaphire**- Holidays are almost gone :( I don't wanna go back to school -cries- Hope you enjoyed your stay at the hotel!

**Amethyst Bubble-** Thankies! Glad you thought it was hilarious! Insanity can be turned into humour :)

**Venedy-** Yea! Go Krad! He's way more charming than the Prince Charmings! XD The princes can't shapeshift either XD

**chrystallized19-** Rapunzel was fun, Dark gets to have long hair, extremely long hair :) Sleeping Beauty's going to be even funner XD waahahhaha...but first, through the woods!

**MujyakinaHitokoroshiya**- Draw it! I wanna see it! XD Dark in a dress being hunted by a band of Prince Charmings XD Funny mental images :P

**Dreams of Goth**- XD the damsels in distress were smart weren't they? Too bad they're kind of...gone... :P There aren't enough fairy tales with princes in them I'm starting to run out! Next chapter! Let the insanity continue XD

**Kiwee**- It freaked me out when I thought about it afterwards, this guy who just won't stop chasing you even though you've rejected him :P You know what? You've just given me this weird idea for the next chapter XD wahahahhaa.... -starts typing-

**Rinoki Rio**- Thankies for reviewing all the chapters!! Night time makes me hungry! XD I'll try to update again sooooon!!! Since my head's full of insane ideas again XP


	7. The Charming Beast and Good Witches

Fairytale Disorder

Chapter 7: The Charming Beast and _Good_ Witches

The demons stopped and let Dark fall onto the ground in front of a forest, "What now?"

"Now you go through the woods and we'll meet you at the other side."

"Why not just bring me along?"

"Because…here, bring a basket to the grandmother's place, then she'll let you pass and don't wander off the road..." He shook his big demon fist, "That's what Little Red Riding Hood did and she never came back…" Then they disappeared.

Dark sighed, picked up the rabbit and headed into the forest, "Right, bring basket to granny's place, and no wandering off the road. Something about a Little Red something…"

"Kyu?"

The boy shrugged, "We'll know when we see it, come on With, onwards to granny's place!"

Awhile later, a strange beast sort of thing jumped in their path, "What are you going here little girl?"

Dark's eye twitched, "I'm not a girl, step aside fugly, going to the grandma's house."

The beast roared, "I was once a Prince Charming but then an evil witch cast a spell on me and turned me into a beast, all I need is one kiss from my damsel to be freed of this horrid curse. Would you-"

Dark was already walking away, "Not interested, I don't _do_ beasts, goodbye."

"Wait! I know a shortcut to the grandmother's place!"

The boy turned around, "What?"

"Yea, you turn off the path here, go straight, then you'll see a golden brick road where you follow it and viola! You're there!"

The beast pointed at its face, "Does this look like a lying face to you?"

Dark looked at it in disgust, "It looks like a hideously ugly not to mention hairy face."

"But not a lying one."

"…I suppose not…" He spotted a house not too far away, "What's that house?"

The beast's jaw nearly dropped, he ran in front of Dark flailing his arms around screaming, "That's not the grandmother's house! Honest! It's shorter if you go off the road! I swear!"

So off Dark went, right off the path, grumbling to himself. The beast on the other hand went down the road and it took him twenty-seven steps to reach the grandmother's house. He knocked on the door, "What do you want?" Then there was a cough and a weak old lady's voice answered, "Yes?"

"The grandmother?"

"That'd be me deary."

The beast cleared his throat and said as high pitched as he could, "It's little red riding hood, I have some booze-I mean cookies for you."

"Little red was eaten by the wolf."

"No grandmother, the hunter saved me."

"No he didn't, he was eaten too, why back in my old days once you were eaten by wolves you'd stay dead."

"Oh no dear grandmother, the wolf got too full and went to sleep and this little woodpecker who liked the taste of wolf meat peaked his stomach open freeing both me and the hunter who then killed the woodpecker with his shotgun. And then I got home and mother wanted me to bring something over so I brought rum no…cookies here."

There was a moment of silence, "Come in." The beast grinned and went inside only to be hit on the head with a rolling pin, "Get out get out! Try to bribe me with booze will you! I _am _little red riding hood! That darn wolf killed my granddaughter, she would've called herself little red riding hood the third!"

The beast winced and threw the old lady out the window, locking her out while he put on a nightgown and crawled under the covers.

-

Dark walked, he didn't know whether he was going straight or not, but he kept on walking. And walking. And walking. "Kyu?"

"I don't see no yellow bricked road."

"Kyu!"

"Wha? No, that's gold…" He thought for a moment then he shrugged, "Oh well, close enough."

So onto the golden brick road he went . The road wasn't as obstacle free as it looked, he had to climb over boulders that were left there for some reason. Walk through mud, go uphill and downhill. Go through insanely large shrubs filled with prickly leaves and such. And finally…he reached…a cottage. Walking up to the door and knocked on it. Some lady answered it and immediately shoved red shoes into his arms, "All you have to do is tap on the heels three times, jump around, twirl twice, flap your arms, squak like a bird fifteen times, run around in circles, roll around, get up, run into a wall and start jumping around like you're throwing a temper tantrum and scream I WANT TO GO HOME NOW YOU STUPID USELESS SHOES three times."

Dark blinked and watched the lady demonstrate everything she just said, "What?"

The lady looked again, "Oh my, you're not Alice…or Dorothy…whatever her name was…you have twigs in your hair..."

"I'm Dark…a _boy_. Yea...that golden brick road was horrid."

"…Dark, Dorothy," she shrugged, "Close enough, do what I told you to do."

"…no…these shoes are _ugly_."

"Don't be so picky boy."

"I'm just looking for the grandmother's house so I can get a pass and go to the dragon's castle so I can finish my job and go HOME."

"Oh, the _grandmother's_ house, it's way back there, it was near the entrance of the forest, what are you? Blind? Everyone nowadays, all they want to see is the _grandmother_ not _me_ nobody wants to see _Glinda_ the _good_ witch!"

Dark snorted, "Good witches are dumb, wicked witches are better, everybody knows _them_."

Glinda's eyes widened, "Excuse me?"

"Wicked witches are known and that's why people like them more!"

The _good_ witch snarled, "I'll send my flying monkeys after you!"

The boy raised a brow, "I thought you were the _good _witch."

"Not anymore! I'll kill you! I'll kill everyone!"

Just as she started laughing like a maniacal freak, Dark walked away, "Damn that fugly thing, it lied."

"Kyu!"

Dark frowned at the rabbit on his head, "Don't give me attitude, I've gone one of my own."

"Kyu?"

And back he went, until he reached the little cottage just a block away from the entrance which he came from, "Damn that beast…"

He knocked on the door, there was a horrid croaking voice, "Yes?"

"Hi, I have a basket full of…stuff…so can I pass?"

"Errrm…come on in, I must…check the basket before I allow you to pass." So Dark opened the door and went in, the croaked voice instructed him, "Come closer."

"…where are you?"

"The bed."

Dark took a couple steps towards the bed, it was some fugly beast in a nightgown, "Whoa…what are you? A cross dressing beast?"

"Why no deary, I'm the grandmother."

The boy snorted, unconvinced, "What a fugly lying face you have."

"I don't lie! I mean…all the better to scare woodsmen away with."

Dark smirked, "What huge eyes you have _grandmother_."

"All the better to scope damsels I mean young handsome men with my dear."

"What an ugly nose you have."

"All the better to find truffles in the ground with my dear."

"What horrid ears you have."

"All the better to hunt down little trespassers with my dear."

"How _hairy _you are!"

"All the better to decorate myself with deary."

"…decorate?"

"You know…braids, ponytails…making it curly or straight."

"…that's gross…"

"Oh well."

Dark rolled his eyes, "What big paws you have."

"All the better to _touch _things with my dear."

"Ew…you perverted fugly thing."

"I'm the grandmother!"

"What huge lips you have."

"All the better to kiss you with!"

Dark's eyes widened as the "Charming" beast lunged towards him. He took the basket and started whacking the beast's head with it, "That's gross!" He said between whacks, "You perverted beast!" Whack, whack, "No one kisses Dark Mousy!" Whack, "With the exception of Krad!" Whack, whack, "I'll show you!" On the hundredth forty-eighth whack, something miraculous happened.

The beast turned into a person, a charming human, he turned into…yet another Prince Charming. "Yes! I am finally free from that horrid spell! You have set me free now I must claim you as my bride! Do you know how horrible it was to be trapped in such a…hideous form?"

The boy was covering his eyes, "Aw gross! Go put some real clothes on!"

The Prince Charming in a nightgown turned around and headed into the closet to change. Dark took his chance to make a break for it. He ran and ran, past Glinda the _good_ fairy's house while she was laughing, "Fly my pretties fly!"

Above him were flying monkeys that screeched and hollered like it was the end of the world. Dark ran faster, mutter the word, "Freak…" under his breath.

He knew that the Prince Charming was after him, running, possibly yelling and hopefully tripping. Dark was getting tired, no, it wasn't a good thing. He ended up jogging to the exit where at once, he was picked up by a familiar gust of wind.

"What happened?"

"I'll tell you what happened! I was on the verge of killing this beast but then he turned into a Prince Charming! And just now he was chasing me! It was horrible! And some freak of a _good _witch turned insane." He wailed, "And now there are flying monkeys in the sky!"

The demons took a minute to absorb the suddenly given information, "…what?"

"I'm not repeating myself!"

"…okay…whatever…to the Dragon's Castle!"

Dark pouted while they moved towards a castle that was surrounded by lava.

-

He ran out of the forest, surprisingly, his horse was standing there waiting. The Prince Charming hopped onto his noble steed and started trotting down the dirt path. Soon enough he heard a "I say...Prince Charming! Is that you?"

The Prince Charming turned around to see his fellow like-minded Prince Charmings, "Prince Charmings! What a surprise!"

The four Prince Charmings clapped their hands in surprise, "You finally got rid of that horrid beast curse of yours!"

He flashed them a Prince Charming Smile®, "Yes! In fact, it happened quite recently, I'm off looking for the damsel that freed me from my curse."

"She kissed you?"

"No…sadly…she or he…whatever, freed me the other way."

The other Prince Charmings winced sympathetically, "Did it hurt?"

"Yes, my delicate features are emotionally scarred for life."

"Oh…you poor thing…"

The Prince Charming perked up, "So what are you four doing here?"

"We're looking for our damsel in distress. Care to join us?"

"Why of course. Thank-you."

"Anytime."

-

Krad flew, and flew, and flew. He was exhausted but he flew, any normal person would've been in awe of his stubbornness/endurance. The dragon was actually wheezing as he flew but no one could notice since he didn't breathe out fire. Below him, he past a couple horses and men who were trotting steadily towards a nearby castle, he was enjoying the nice view of the forest below but that changed suddenly.

Beneath him he saw burnt marks where forests might've once stood…a lot of burnt marks. And nearby, not too far ahead he saw a castle with bubbling lava around it.

_That must be the place…what was it called again?_

_Dragon's Castle._

_Oh yea…_

_Dimwit._

_Shut up._

_Make me._

_You're immature._

_So are you._

_Am not._

_Are too._

_Am not._

_Are too._

_Am not._

_I'm you._

…_shut up…_

_Ppffftt fine be that way._

_I will._

_Asshole._

The dragon snorted and flew towards the castle, silently he wondered why the lava didn't eat away at the rocks and destroy the castle.

-

"Fly faster! We're going to be late! They're all going already!"

There was a huff, the shard grumbled, "You stupid dragon, you're the slowest dragon here!"

There was a roar, the shard snapped back, "Yes you are! Considering that there are only two dragons around here, you're the slowest!"

Another roar, "Oh no you won't drop me! I know all!"

There was a snort and it was silent for the rest of the way.

-

"Fly my pretties fly! Everyone will know the name GLINDA THE _GOOD_ WITCH!"

A maniacal laughter filled the air and winged monkeys flew everywhere…and into each other causing each other to fall/crash…either one. A couple landed into a pool where they sank, others never left the ground. They saw a banana and started wrestling each other for it. Glinda took no notice of it, she was insanely waving her arms around and laughing/shrieking.

"Yes! Fly! The world will know Glinda! And I shall go down in history as the _good_ witch!"

Were there such things as _good_ witches? No one will ever know…

-

"Wahahahhahaahahaha…let's see…"

She reached into her pockets, "Where is it?"

Then a horrible realization came to her, "No! Don't tell me I left it back there!"

After a moment of silence and sudden spazzing she sighed in relief, "Never mind…it's on the table…only one drop…"

A voice rang out, "I don't want to! This place is creepy!"

"Crap…they're here already?"

She accidentally dripped a couple dozen more drops than she had expected to on it. Not realizing it or noticing it, she tucked the bottle back into her cloak…thing and disappeared with an evil laugh.

-

So all at once, they all started to head to the Dragon's Castle at what ever pace. Unless if they were already there…then that'd be something else…and inside Krad's mind…

_Am not!_

_Are too!_

_Am not!_

_Are too!_

_Prove it!_

_You know it's true! You're me!_

_No I'm not! I refuse to be the same person as the person who called me a perverted dragon!_

_But you are! You can't deny it!_

_Yes I can!_

_No you can't!_

_Yes I can!_

_No you can't!_

_Yes I can! You're going to make me fly into something again! Shut up!_

_No! The soon you crash the better! You deserve it!_

_But I'm you!_

_Aha! So you **do** admit it!_

_What? You tricked me!_

_So? You're gullible!_

_ARGH! Just shut up!_

_No way in hell, ohhh that's right, whatcha going to do now huh?_

_Beat myself unconscious._

_I'd like to see you try._

…_maybe later._

_Wuss_…

_-_

Nya

Updated this again:O Everyone's gathering at the Dragon's Castle and Glinda the GOOD witch has offically gone insane XP If there are words stuck together...blame the editing thingy I swear! It's not me! XPGo Krad go! Go **_review_** go! XD

**Hakudoshi-chan**- Yup, insanely messed up XP There's an army of Prince Charmings XD it's the Prince Charming apocalypse! I know a couple people with the same name...it's weird when you're trying to call one and the other responds :P Nope Dark still has one more role left XP then the insanity will goinsane XD

**SpinningAvia-** Beauty and the Beast XD I figured that I might as well put it in somewhere somehow without having Dark kiss the charming beast :) Krad would kill anyone who got within a meter of Dark XP I couldn't bare to kill the talking mirror completely XD and the Prince Charming smiles are fun to type in now and then :P

**Lillith**:) No worries, I run into that problem myself where you're about to review but all you have to say is good job and update again soon :P Thankies for reviewing :) And you're welcome! I'm having alot of fun typing this fic :D

**Mysterious Kaitou**- Here it is! The boy for a beauty and Charming for a beast XD Yea I need to update more! I agree XP The only problem is homework, school exams...blah, whatever I complain about :) I'll try updating whichever fic as SOON as possible XP it'll probably be sometime later this week or the next...or the next...whichever :P

**ivyking-** Glad you like the ex-mirror XP I'll be updating the other fics soon :) Your exams seem worse than mine XP good luck!

**darksaphire**- Krad's getting there XD Three cheers for the perverted dragon that argues with himself:P This fic is going insanely out of control XD I myself was going insane while typing it, not to mention I _am _insane which might explain why this fic was insane...o.o

**Rinoki Rio-** Yea! Go Krad! Woots go insanity:) Sanity is overrated in my opinion. Yea my head's full of crazy also known as mini Ayames laughing insanely and running into each other XP

**Seena58-** There are five so far :) Prince Charmings and their Prince Charming Smiles® XP Lava is fire! Lotsa lava! XD Burn! Burn! Nyahahahha...o.O no...I'm not completely insane...there's sanity buried somewhere deep in my brain...I'm just too lazy to dig it out :) Go talking inanimate objects XD I bet Dark actually enjoys the attention :P

**Meg-fly**- You flatter me :) I doubt anyone's at my level of insanity...this fic was composed by little midgets that run my brain XP I love Dark and Krad too! I love both of them and I love it when they're together XP I can't help it! I'm obsessed! Glad you like it nya! XD

**Duchess of Darkness**- A mirror that never dies, reminds me of the fly that wouldn't die XP I think I'll make it a character in some other fic XD They only hate Dark since he's pretty. Yes Krad deserves everyone's pity, having to fly nonstop day and night while arguing with the Krad he never knew he was. The talking shard has a thesarus installed in it, I was going crazy trying to think of words, any words that meant ugly XP

**golden-flame4-** It's the Charming Apocalypse! Run for it XD You like the idea of Krad smiting each and every single one of them Prince Charmings don't you? Or their stupidity being the end of them XD The insanity's just begun:P

**Thief Girl Slyvia**- Absolutely! Random humorous insanity XD Here more nya:D

**Mujyakina-Hitokoroshiya**- Yea! I updated again! Oh well...I kept on telling myself that I'd draw something too, it didn't happen...not really anyways XP I'm a procrastinator and I'm proud XD At least you're working on it, all my art supplies are out...at least my sketching pencils but I haven't done anything XP

**Pyro Demon**- Woots! Glad you like my story! Here's the next update XD

**kurokioku**- Humor causes stomach painsXD When I laugh too hard I end up unable to breath and my friends think it's an asthma attack or something XP I'm guessing that having stomach pains from laughing is better than being unable to breathe? XP


	8. To the Dragon's Castle!

Fairytale Disorder

Chapter 8: To the Dragon's Castle!

"I really don't want to come here…it's eerie!"

"Stop whining, it's your last stop."

Dark shut his mouth and looked around, he was in an empty room with a single bed, "Man…this is like the loner room or something." The demons set him down and by the time he turned around they had disappeared. He sat on the bed and looked around, he found something, "Hey look a fork!"

He picked it up, unfortunately, the sharp end pricked his hand and he fell unconscious onto the bed. The rabbit hopped onto him and let out a worried, "Kyu?"

The boy didn't respond, "Kyu! Kyu, kyu!" With gave a sad kyu and sat down sadly on the boy's magically moving chest.

* * *

Awhile later Krad was in front of the castle. 

_Damn it, I can't fit in the castle in this form…_

_You're too fat, go on a diet._

_Shut up!_

_You're so self conscious._

_That's your fault!_

_In other words, it's your own fault._

…_shut up!_

…_you're thinking about it aren't you?_

_I'm not that fat am I?_

He shifted into a bird and flew up, he flew up, up and up. Soon enough he got a headache from the whirling stairs, _when does this end?_

_Look! The stairs are going round and round…_

_Am I still flying in the right direction?_

_No idea…too dizzy…maybe you should shift back…try not to throw up or faint…_

_Might…not…make it…_

_

* * *

_

The rabbit watched the man head towards them, he had shoulder length black hair, perfect charming teeth and on the way, he ran a hand through his hair. With hopped under the covers of the magically positioned Dark, "Kyu…"

Then he saw them, behind the approaching man, golden gems glowing in the darkness of the tunnel which was their exit, soon followed by footsteps. Someone was running towards them…With shrunk back further. Then it hopped out, "Kyu!"

"What's this? A rabbit? An extra to the damsel perhaps?"

Soon enough the footsteps approached the room, light taps that only rabbits could hear. A whirl of gold pushed the Prince Charming aside. He fell unconscious on the floor. Then everything paused, the rabbit watched the blonde with long golden hair and golden eyes approach. "Kyu! Kyu!"

"A rabbit," he sighed and headed towards the unconscious boy, "What has he picked up this time?"

With blinked, the blonde seemed to know the boy, but there was a bad feeling in his stomach, something was different about the golden eyed boy. Unless it was the strawberries he ate earlier…whichever. "Kyu?"

"Is that all you can say?" Golden eyes turned their attention to the sleeping boy, "what's wrong with him?" The rabbit watched him walk over and shake the boy gently on the shoulders, "Hey Dark, wake up…come on…"

Krad spotted a fork nearby, "What'd he do? Eat something poisonous?"

If only it was that easy.

"Kyu!"

"…sorry, I don't speak rabbit…"

"Kyu, kyu!"

The blonde raised a brow, "…sure, let's just get him out first."

The fallen prince on the ground stirred, With jumped frantically onto the blonde's shoulder, the dragon watched the rabbit with curiosity. He picked up the boy and turned around to face a very dazed Prince Charming, his halted and waited for a minute. The prince held his head and grumbled to no one in particular, "What happened?"

Krad looked around and answered, "…you slipped and fell down a couple stairs."

"Oh…who are you?"

The dragon thought for a minute, "…I'm just a fragment of your dream…you're still asleep…"

"Oh…" He took a couple steps towards the blonde, Krad gulped and backed up, "You seem awfully real for a dream…"

"Sou…"

"You're pretty…"

"…" Krad took a step back, "That's nice…"

"Who's that in your arms?"

"This is a…dummy…" Well at least it wasn't a complete lie…

"A dummy for what?"

"To…"

The black haired man nodded, "To…"

"Throw out the window…"

"Oh…I want to watch…"

"No you may not."

"Oh? Why?"

Krad rolled his eyes, the prince just wouldn't stop saying 'oh' "Because it's a confidential test…to test the height of the castle…"

"Oh…"

The blonde frowned, he couldn't fit through the window with the boy in his arms, "Go back to sleep." He kicked the prince in the head and knocked him unconscious again. Then he headed back to the window, Dark in his arms. A second later, he threw the boy out the window.

After the boy went out, he jumped out himself and turned back into a dragon and caught the boy on his back. He flew back to the front of the castle…or the closest path to the castle that wasn't burnt. The rabbit knew that the blonde wasn't a normal human, he watched the dragon shift back into human form. He set the boy down, "Is he asleep?"

_He's dead…**dead** just like all those knights you ate!_

_I don't eat knights! _

…_you don't?_

_Yea_…_they're unhealthy especially their armour._

_Whatever, he's still dead._

_He's breathing…_

_Okay…that or maybe he's just sleeping…_

_But he won't wake up._

_Then he's in a coma! Geeze you could've just said all the facts in the beginning!_

The dragon snorted to himself, he kneeled down and leaned over to the boy, "Dar-"

With decided that exact moment to jump onto the blonde's head which resulted in the dragon jerking down, lips meeting the boys. Golden eyes widened, he sat up and stared at the boy. A hand unconscious reached up and touched his lips.

…_HOLY SHIT I JUST **KISSED** HIM!_

_Yes, congratulations, it's about time, too bad he wasn't awake to see it._

The boy stirred, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, completely unaware of the dragon watching him, he yawned, "That was the best sleep I've had in years…"

"Kyu?"

The rabbit hopped into the boy's arms, Krad continued watching, "Oh hey With, what happened? All I remember is that fork…queer…"

"Kyu?"

"Huh?" Dark looked up and saw gold. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes, then he looked again. In front of him was a blonde with long golden hair and very familiar golden eyes. "Whoa…Krad?" The dragon blushed, remembering the kiss, but he nodded nonetheless. "Are you okay? You seem kinda flushed…"

Krad inwardly cursed his pale skin, "I'm fine."

A moment later he was glomped by the boy, "Oh my god it is you! I missed you so much! It was horrible! They kept on calling me a damsel in distress and tried to dress me up and people kept trying to kill me or they kept on making me do chores I had to run away from all these Prince Charmings and there were these demons that kept on making me replace the princesses that they slaughtered and they poisoned the food and they tried to make me eat this fugly looking lumpy apple and made me wear boots that didn't fit and I had my hair hacked off while I was stuck in this tower with no doors and a single window and I ended up half dying in this forest only to get molested by this _good_ witch who is now sending her flying monkeys out to kill everyone and I nearly got kissed by this fugly beast thing and it's because of the coffee that I couldn't fall asleep on the damn mattress and they thought I had _damsel quality_ it's not fair! Not to mention there was this witch that kept on trying to kill me and damn she was ugly but still, _and_ they tried to make me fit in with all these fancy rich freaks and there was this prince who liked being rejected and now I'm being chased by like a dozen Prince Charmings because they all think I'm their damsel in distress! It's horrible! Why me? Hell! I was suffering from SKWD!"

"SKWD?"

"Huh?"

"What's SKWD?"

"Severe Krad withdrawl..."

"Oh..."

"_Anyways _like I was saying..."

Krad watched the boy babble on, wide eyed, he just kept on nodding. Severe Krad withdrawl huh?Dark was whining into his chest now, the two were on the floor. The boy straddling his waist and whining, the dragon just kept on nodding like an idiot. Finally, Dark had to take a breath, golden eyes blinked, "Dark?"

"Huh?"

"Are you done?"

The boy nodded, he thought for a moment, "Yea, I'm done."

"You're supposed to be dead!"

The two looked over at the wicked witch who was fuming at the sight of Dark being alive, Krad propped onto his elbows and cocked his head, "And who's that?"

"That's the ugly witch that tried killing me a couple dozen times…"

"Ah…" The dragon nodded, "And why would she want to kill you?"

"I don't have the slightest clue."

"Dark…"

"What? I don't! I swear! She just came up to the house with the seven little midgets and tried to choke me to death a couple times!"

Krad turned from Dark to the witch, "You tried to kill him?" His golden eyes glowed dangerously, apparently, he could even scare a witch off just by glaring at her. "You tried to _kill_ him?" He repeated.

The witch got the hint and gulped audibly. Dark sneezed, it broke the mood. The dangerous atmosphere lifted up and fluttered away like some butterfly that just got sneezed on. The queen sighed in relief. Krad gave him an incredulous look, "What?"

The dragon sighed and shook his head, "Never mind."

The boy blinked but didn't push his luck. The blonde didn't look happy, and it was most likely his fault. He got off the dragon and stood up. Krad stood up and dusted himself. The witch watched nervously, she hadn't the slightest idea why she was terrified of the blonde but she was.

"Ho! Look at what we have here!"

The three looked at the path, there were not one, not two, not three, etc, there were five Prince Charmings riding towards them, "It's you again!" The three looked back, there was the Prince Charming that Krad had knocked unconscious in the castle. Krad frowned, something was seriously wrong. They were all smiling, flashing their perfect teeth, suddenly; all six of them flicked their hair then ran a hand through them. The dragon bit his lip nervously, gods those freaks were creepy. The one from the castle smiled, "Wow! So you _weren't_ a dream! I knew you were real!" Gods he was an idiot…Krad rolled his eyes, the Prince then looked at the other Prince Charmings, "Prince Charmings! What brought you here?"

The dragon stared at the six in horror, "We're here on a mission Prince Charming."

"Oh wow, what kind of mission? Dragon hunting?"

Krad gulped, one of the Prince Charmings shook his head, "Oh no, none of that sort. That's set for next week. We're here to rescue our damsels."

"Oh!" The blonde's eye twitched, he was really getting annoyed with that, "Is that so? So was I but it seems like a fell down some stairs and was knocked unconscious. My damsel wasn't in the bed so I came out here to look around."

The Prince Charmings continued conversing while Krad grew more and more confused at who they were speaking to. Dark watched the dragon wobble around a bit, "Krad?"

At once there was silence, the two looked around, then suddenly all the Prince Charmings pointed at them, "Ah! It's my damsel in distress!"

Another moment of silence, Krad looked at the boy then at the band of Prince Charmings that were heading towards them. He needed to shift, fast. _I need a form that can carry him while flying._

_Dragon form._

_I need a form that can fly **and** yell at him at the same time._

_Oh…_

"Oh, but that can't be your damsel in distress my dear Prince Charmings she's _mine_."

"Not quite Prince Charming, she's mine too."

"And mine!"

"And mine!"

"She was the first to reject me!"

"She's supposed to be asleep in the bed..."

"She freed me from my curse!"

Dark fumed, "I'm a boy!" They ignored him, he let his shoulders sulk and started to pout.

Golden eyes widened, as he shifted, he grabbed Dark by the waist who grabbed his rabbit as they flew off the ground. He looked up and stared in awe, "Whoa Krad…"

"What?"

"You grew wings…"

"I've always had wings…"

"No, I mean you, you look like an angel."

Krad tilted his head, "What?"

"Yea! You have angel wings!"

So _that_ was the result of wanting to fly and yell at the same time. They looked down, the princes mounted onto their horses and _trotted_ after them. The dragon snorted, "Well, aren't they in a hurry to catch us? Did you lose weight?"

"Well I _was_ nearly starved to death a couple times…not to mention nearly suffered from food poisoning…"

Krad considered the points, "I'm guessing that we'll run out of food tonight and that I'll have to go get some more food tomorrow…"

"Hell yea…"

"Kyu?"

"What's that?"

"A rabbit."

"Obviously."

"Kyu!"

Dark smiled, "Can we keep him?"

The blonde almost dropped him, "What?"

"Can we keep him?"

"Another mouth to feed!.?"

"…so can we? I mean I already named him…"

"No."

The boy gawked at the dragon, "How could you! You cruel, cruel dragon! How can you deny the bunny? The bunny demands that you let us keep him! Look at the poor thing with its huge red eyes! Have you no heart?"

"Too bad."

"…you know With is going to follow us home either way."

"Leave him."

"No! If he goes! I go!"

"Are you serious? I'll drop you off then."

A moment later, Dark pouted, "Krad! But he's so cute! And all he ever eats is strawberries! Please! Pretty please!"

"Kyu!"

"Whatever."

He gave a woot, "Yay! I love you so much Krad! You're the best!"

"…" The dragon looked away in embarrassment. After a bit Krad finally got tired and landed. They rested and sat around and soon enough they were bored. The sun was starting to set, the blonde was half asleep, sprawled out on the grass in the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere.

"Krad?"

"Hnnn?"

Dark came into sight, "I'm bored…"

"Hn."

"Halt you damsel thief! So there you are!"

The two looked over, they saw horses and heads sticking out. Dark frowned, "Great…" Then a huge gust of wind arrived.

* * *

"No one ever told me there was a shape-shifter with the boy." 

She grumbled and walked around, "He's supposed to be dead!"

When she looked into the sky she saw flying monkeys, "…what the…"

Then she disappeared with the flick of her cloak.

* * *

"Oh hurry up!" 

A grunt, the shard grumbled, "They're not at the castle anymore you twit! They're at a field nearby and if you don't hurry up the show's going to be over!"

"FLY MY PRETTIES! TO DARK MOUSY! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!"

The monkey beside her cocked his head, the _good_ witch rolled her eyes and pointed towards the sky, "Aren't you supposed to be going with the others?"

The monkey just stared at her, "Go South! Migrate or something!"

The monkey gave her a funny look, "GO FLY YOU TWIT OF A MONKEY!"

"Uwa?"

Glinda the _good_ witch sighed and walked off towards the dragon's castle, "Useless flying monkeys…"

* * *

Nya

Another chapter! The mayhem continues! Dark and Krad are finally reunited! Nyahahahha XD They're all gathering :D oh the fun I'm going to and about to have XP Hope this was extra good! (promise to Amethyst Bubble) Thankies to kurokioku for the warning! Yes! You've all been warned now! XD

**WARNING**:May cause stomach pains and asthma attacks due to insanity and randomness.Anything that happens to you will not be blamed on the author.You have been warned.

**darksaphire**- kradxdark action? ;) well there's the kiss...and the Dark burying his head into Krad's chest part...I want more... :D I'll try to add more in the next chapter or something XD

**Mysterious** **Kaitou**- XD Hell yea! Go SKWD! My computer won't let me download aim XP well I could but it wouldn't work :D I mean... :( I still think msn is better :P yes you shall suffer from SKXDWD (severe kradxdark withdrawl) like me nyahahahha XP

**Hakudoshi**-**chan**- I counted, and there were six in this fic XD Krad's more than likely already insane, Glinda the _good_ witch finally snapped :P I always knew she would, ever since the first time I watched The Wizard of OZ what _is_ OZ? Prince Charmings, lol, I find them amusing :P

**Mujyakina**-**Hitokoroshiya**- Woots cookie :D Poor little red, she was eaten, and so did little red the second XP Here's the next chapter, even more pointless insanity XP Ah the fun I'm having...

**kurokioku**- Thankies for the warning :D I hope the people with asthma are alright, they seem to end up with difficulty breathing XP I can practically maim people with insanity and randomness XD That'sa good weapon to use :) no one can really kill you for it XP

**Rinoki** **Rio**- Yea go insanity! Sane people are insane XP Ayame's my name :) yea there's one in fruits basket and some other anime XD Glad you liked this/the last chapter thebest XP Glinda going insane made me smile :)

**golden**-**flame4**- Mindless humour XD There's nothing quite like it :) Completely insane, no dosage of sanity in it, sanity completely ruins mindless humour because it'd end up just humour...the mindless part would be taken out o.O we can't have that happen...Ayame forbids it XP

**Seena58**- Haha, yea, watching people snap like a twig is fun :) My main entertainment source now...Krad's having disagreements with himself, I like laughing at him -looks away- respectfully...and yup, the evil witch with too many words to describe is back...lol XD a Prince Charming album! That'd be so cool, their top single could be..."Too charming for you" or "Looking for my damsel-who's-actually-a-boy-but-no-one-gives-a-damn-since-he's-got-damsel-quality" The sane side of me retired when I was 6...it refuses to come back out XD

**Lord** **Scribbles**- Krad's sanity took a rain check, the witches, one's wicked and the other's _good_ with the exception that she's sending out flying monkeys to destroy the world...-starts whistling- the Prince Charmings will just have to find a way to split Dark in six XP

**Lillith**- Saying nothing but "good job" and "update soon" makes me feel...stupid :P it's like I have alot of say but all that really comes out is good job and update soon, so many words so little phrasing XP writers blocks don't kill me that much now, it's more finding time in my schedule (mainly fridays to sundays) to find the time not to be lazy and actually type :P

**Kawaii Magician Bakura**-starts fanning- I think I turn purple when I hold my breath XP Hope you enjoy reading this chapter as well! XD

**KuroTsubasaNoTenshi**:D Glinda the _good_ witch never did get a big pay check, evil witches get paid more too XP from now on it's going to be Glinda the witch who was once good but went insane :P Dark's a boy:O A real boy! XP

**Dreams of Goth**- People tend to get attached to their hair, I hate haircuts XP Finally Dark's done replacing princesses, sleeping beauty was his last job..or is it:O For all we know he has another three to replace XD

**Kaeru-chan**- Thankies! Happy belated birthday to you too:) Mine was on the 5th, ages ago, I feel old now XP I never really thought there were so many people with birthdays in Febuary, I always thought it was just...me XP Go Febuary people!


	9. It's Raining Monkeys!

Fairytale Disorder

Chapter 9: It's raining monkeys!

"Damsel thief! Halt in the name of the Prince Charmings!"

Then of course, came the big dramatic gust of wind kind of like a showdown or something. "Ow…something flew into my eye…" Dark grumbled as he rubbed his eyes, "Stupid wind."

"You're not halting!"

Krad raised a brow, "We're not moving at all…"

"Silence! …now what?" The band of Prince Charmings huddled around and started whispering amongst themselves.

"That one might be a witch."

"Au contraire, Prince Charming, witches don't sprout wings."

"Maybe it's another damsel!"

"Oh! Then I believe I have the right of getting that one since I saw her in my dreams."

"Then I get the other one!"

"Didn't she reject you?"

"And that's why I must have her!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"What?"

"Prince Charmings!"

"Yes?" They all replied.

"There must me a more civilized way to figure this out, now, who wants the dark haired one?"

All of them raised their hands.

"Very well, who wants the golden haired one?"

Again, they all raised their hands.

"…well too bad, only two of us can have them. And I call dibs on at least one of them…"

Krad just sat there, bored, there was a tug at his sleeve, "Hey Krad…when will they be done?"

"Who knows? Hopefully before the sun sets…"

"Why can't we just walk away right now?"

"Because…I don't know why, hell with is, let's go."

The two of them started walking off when suddenly there was a, "Hey! You two damsels! Halt!"

Krad paused, "What did they mean by _you two damsels_?"

Dark shrugged, "Maybe they think you're a damsel too. They have trouble telling the difference females and males, either that or they don't care and a damsel can be classified as anything that moves…"

Golden eyes blinked, "Since when were you able to speak intelligibly like that?"

"I don't know…"

"Well don't do it again."

"…"

"Halt I say!"

The two turned around to see the Prince Charmings' heads sticking out of the grass, not extremely tall but tall enough to see their whole heads, and the six of them flashing their Prince Charming smile™ which scared Krad terribly. It caused him to shiver despite the sun which was beating over them. "Does that freak you out as much as it freaks me out?"

"Which part?" Dark blinked as all six of them ran a hand through their hair, "The teeth? Or the hand through hair part?"

"Both."

The boy nodded, "Yea, why do they keep doing that?"

Krad shrugged and took a step back, "How did I end up a damsel in distress?"

Dark looked him over, "Well…you appear to be more feminine than I do, and if they can imagine me as a damsel, than you too, since you're more like a damsel than me in the outer appearance, could be considered a damsel in distress awaiting them to rescue you."

"Stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"Stop talking like that! You don't usually use words with more than two syllables!"

"Huh? What did I say?" The blonde repeated the boy's phrase, "Whoa…what did that mean?"

"It means that since they can think of you as a damsel, I'm more likely to be considered one because…hey! I'm not feminine!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

_Yes you are!_

_Shut up!_

_You're very girly so suck it up and deal with it!_

_I'm not girly!_

_You're acting like a whiny girl right now! Girly!_

_Shut up! You're annoying me!_

_You have long hair too!_

_I like my hair!_

_And you're all pale!_

_So? A lot of people are pale!_

_That's a filthy lie._

_Well I bet they're pale in foreign contries!_

_You have very slim shoulders._

…_so? That doesn't mean I'm girly!_

_**And **you have a liking for chicken!_

…_what does that have to do with anything?_

_I just felt like mentioning it…_

_Great…now I want chicken…_

"Krad?"

The dragon blinked and looked at the boy, "Yea?"

"They went back to they're little huddling thing…do you think they're huddling for warmth?"

"Oh, that's interesting, I doubt they're huddling for warmth-and-no-I'm-not-girly."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you-monkey!"

Krad frowned, "I monkey?"

Just then, a monkey fell and plopped right between them making them yelp and jump away. Apparently one had fallen right in the middle of the huddle of Prince Charmings, they screamed in a very girly way and shuddered.

"That is disgusting!"

"What is that?"

"It's a monkey!"

"Monkey?"

"With wings!"

"With wings?"

"That's hideous!" Squealed one of the Prince Charmings' as he grabbed one by the collar and flung it towards another prince.

"Get it away from me! Mother says it's improper to deal with such…dirty animals!"

The other five nodded in agreement, "Such filthy animals…they ought to be ashamed…"

The six of them sighed and shook their heads until they head the cries of the monkeys. "It came from above…"

"Right you are Prince Charming."

Smile, smile.

"I do believe we should tilt our heads upwards and see what's happening to the sky above us which seems to be filled with horrible monkey cries…"

"Yes we should…"

So they looked up, boy, what a mistake. The sky was filled with monkeys and a couple dozen at a time, they began to fall. And they were so busy dodging monkeys, not bullets, monkeys, that they didn't notice the witches, both good and bad appear. They turned to each other.

"You!" They both screamed.

"Glinda…"

The _good_ witch thought for a moment, "…ugly witch…"

The queen frowned at the name, but really, she didn't go by any other name than '_The_ Queen' and '_The_ Ugly Witch' which she was not particularly fond of, "These must be _your _monkeys! They can't even fly properly! Good witch my butt!"

"Better than you! You ugly…witch!"

"I'm not ugly!"

"Have you ever looked in a mirror?"

"Yes! I look in one every day!"

"…don't they break?"

"That's none of your business!"

"Aha! So I _was _right about that!"

"You're supposed to be good!"

"Not anymore! Why else am I sending my evil flying monkeys out?"

"Because you've finally lost it."

"…no…well technically yes, but I'm in denial at the moment…"

"I see…so these monkeys are yours?"

"Yea…"

"They're slightly…pathetic…"

"I know…shut up."

-------------------------

Meanwhile…Dark and Krad were trying to avoid the falling monkeys too. The blonde had pulled the boy into a protective embrace, shielding his head. It took awhile, but finally, it happened, a monkey landed on the blonde's head, the dragon looked up. The monkey was snuggling against his hair. "Okay…"

Dark looked up, "Krad? There's a monkey on your head…"

"I know."

"I think it's nuzzling you…"

"I know."

The monkey growled and bared its teeth against the boy, who glared back, "Hey back off! I was here first!" Krad blinked, what was going on? Dark was arguing with the monkey which was on his head…the boy backed off a couple steps as the monkey crawled onto his shoulder and lashed out the violet haired boy. Dark growled and pulled it off the dragon and flung it far, far away. "I hate monkeys…"

"Alright…what was that about?"

"You have primitive fans."

"Do you even know what primitive means?"

"No…"

"I see…"

Dark gave the blonde a hug, "You're mine, not some monkey who landed on your head's."

The dragon raised a brow, "What?"

"What?"

"You just spoke a very…un-Dark-like sentence…"

"I did?"

"Did you suffer from brain damage?"

"Did I?"

The two looked at each other in mildly confused and awkward silence.

"Krad…I'm bored…"

The dragon yawned, "Wonder what'll happen now…"

"Kyu…"

Dark looked down, "Oh With, you're still here!"

"Kyu, kyu!"

Krad raised a brow, _you're jealous._

_No I'm now._

_Yes you are._

_No I'm not!_

_Yes you are! And you're jealous of a rabbit!_

_How can I be jealous of a rabbit! I'm not jealous!_

_Yes you are!_

_Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! I'm not listening to you anymore!_

_Like that's going to work…_

_Shut up!_

_Fine, I won't tell you about the flying monkey that's about to crash into you then…_

_Huh?_

Krad looked up and was attacked by a flying monkey which knocked him off balance which resulted in him landing on his butt on the ground, "Stupid voice…"

"Krad? That monkey just knocked you off your feet…"

"I know…I'm never listening to that stupid voice again…"

Dark blinked, "…okay…"

----------------------

Soon, the 'battlefield' was covered in monkeys, Glinda the _good_ witch and _the_ ugly witch were still at it. Only this time, they fought with monkeys. "You stupid no good witch! Die!" The evil queen yelled as she chucked another monkey at her sworn enemy.

"Shut up you ugly witch!" Chuck, chuck.

"The last time you tried to lead Dorothy home, you had the munchkins eat her alive! You're evil!" More monkeys were thrown.

"Like you should be talking! I bet you've done worse!"

"No I haven't…"

There was a pause.

"So you're actually the _relatively_ evil queen?"

"I guess and you'd be…Glinda the…_evil_ witch."

And suddenly…hell froze over. Not literally…but an ominous shadow covered the field. Everyone looked up, floating there, was the dragon of the castle. With a mighty roar, he landed, squishing any unfortunate monkeys that just so happened to be in his way. And a voice called out, "Hail! The slowest dragon of this place!"

The relatively evil queen blinked, "I know that voice…"

Glinda the _evil_ witch raised a brow, "Is it a relative of yours?"

"No."

"Oh…"

"It's my mirror. Or what used to be my mirror."

"I see…" Then Glinda the _evil_ witch laughed, cackled actually, since that's what _evil_ witches did, "Ex-mirror, ex-mirror of the ugly witch, who's the evilest of us all?"

"Neither of you, the evilest of them all would be Dorothy, who now lives among the munchkins, plotting for her revenge. Just you wait Glinda…the relatively evil witch, she's coming after you first."

Glinda got the goosebumps from the little…prophecy.

Then the Prince Charmings' stepped up, running a hand through their messed up hair, "Shard, shard, in front of us, who're the most charming ones of all?"

"It's…Dark Mousy. No further comment."

The princes gaped, "How about intelligent?"

"That'd be me." The shard replied without attempting to sound modest.

"What about…pretty?" The six of them asked with a confident nod of their head.

"That'd be Krad."

The dragon paused, him? Pretty? That's just not fair…at least Dark got something more…masculine like charming and he was stuck with pretty? _Pretty_? Out of all words! There was a tug at his sleeve, "Yea?"

"They look somewhat mad…"

Indeed they did, the six Prince Charmings had their swords out and looked about ready to kill them, "No on takes our titles away!"

_Great…first they want to wed us and now they want to kill us…_

_Lovely isn't it?_

_Yup…wait, I'm not listening to you anymore!_

_Immature…_

_Not listening!_

"Well…this is…just great…"

Dark nodded at the sarcasm, "What now?"

"We run."

They were about to flee when there was a gust of wind and in front of them, stood the demons, "Hey there's one more job…" They looked around, "This doesn't seem like a good time…maybe we'll try again later-"

"It's you two! They're the ones who took me away in the first place!" Dark pointed at them and looked over to the dragon who looked over at the two, golden eyes glowing.

The demons gulped, they were officially stuck between a band of murderous Prince Charmings and a murderous dragon and very stressed out witches who needed professional help, "This doesn't look good at all…"

The shard paused, "I foresaw this you know…"

The dragon rolled its eyes and gave a sarcastic snort.

-------------------

Nya

After months and months I update! Only like...one or two chapters left :O Dark and Krad are possessive while monkeys continue to fall out of the sky. Note: no monkeys were harmed during this productiontion thingy... And Glinda the relatively evil witch is good no more XD More mayhem to be ensued, next time :D Sorry for the slow update!


	10. Happily Ever After

Fairytale Disorder

Chapter 10: Happily Ever After

Krad watched as the demons hugged one another in fright, much to his amusement, "I never did like demons…"

Violet eyes blinked, "Really? I thought you didn't like lizards…"

Leave it to the boy to kill the mood, "Yea, I hate those too…"

Dark pouted, "But they're so cute!"

"No they're not! They're disgusting, scaly creatures with forked tongues!"

"Aren't those snakes?"

"No!" The dragon snarled before turning his attention back to the demons, "Either way, I still don't like demons."

Dark shrugged, "Well I can't say anything about that."

"No, no you can't."

"Wait…actually, yes I can!"

He rolled his eyes and looked over, "And what would that be?"

"I _could_ tell you that that'd cruel and bias but I won't."

"If you're not going to say it then don't say it."

"But I _could've _said it."

Krad frowned and looked at the boy, "But you just said that you wouldn't say it."

"Yea I won't but I could've."

_And once again, you're on the side of wrong._

_I am not! _

_Remember that time you screamed when that lizard landed on you?_

_Shut up! That was a long time ago!_

_Aren't they your distant relative or something? I mean you're all scaly and pretty stupid._

_**No**! That's an insult to me! I'd never be related to those…things!_

_Sure, in denial now are we…_

_I've **got** to figure out a way to get rid of you…_

_Go jump off a bridge._

The demons blinked as the dragon began to scowl at something unseen, the tiny one looked over at his partner in crime, "What's wrong with him?"

The larger demon shrugged.

After a moment, the Prince Charmings regained the senses, "Now where were we…oh yes…no one and I mean _no one_ takes _our_ titles away!"

Dark raised a brow, "No…we're past that part, we're at the part where we're all turning murderous to the demons. Get up to date!"

One of the Prince Charmings gave a cry, a very dramatic one like something had just hurt him terribly, "I've just been hurt terribly by your stinging, oh so very, _very _cruel words!"

Then there was a pause…a very long pause.

-tick-tick-tick-

Then night came, and Krad swore, "Crap! It's almost dawn!"

Everyone turned their attention to him with interest, "Yea? What about dawn? Does something magical happen?" Krad shot them all a skeptical look.

"Do you turn into a magical fairy?"

He stared, "…no."

"A unicorn?"

"No."

"Have you ever _eaten_ a unicorn?"

"No…they're fattening…"

Then came another pause.

And _then_, much to everyone who were now very calm and slightly tired's surprise, there was a yell, several of them, six somewhat shrilly voices called out, "Prince Charming!"

Everyone looked over to see six damsels storming towards them, they gavea dramatic gasp, "What!.? But you were supposed to be in parallel danger! And we were supposed to rescue you!"

The one with skin as fair as snow and hair as black as night and lips as red as blood frowned, "What are you talking about?"

The prince gasped, "You're awake...and alive! You were supposed to have eaten a horrible deformed apple from the somewhat evil and very vain queen witch lady and fainted away until I give you a chaste kiss on the lips!"

"You princes…you're all such losers!" The one with blonde hair and cinder for eye shadow.

Another prince gasped, "No one's ever called me a loser before! I love you! Marry me and together we'll live happily ever after!"

Pause pause. Both Dark and Krad shuddered.

Then the damsel with a face as fair as a portrait, a good one obviously, not that anyone could tell with the facial mask she had on snapped, "You missed out on the tea party!"

The prince from the castle clapped at the no longer sleeping beauty, more like the damsel in a facial mask, "Oh! Oh! Oh I so do love tea parties!"

Dark made a puking gesture while Krad tried to get rid of the goosebumps on his arm by rubbing it. Another damsel spoke up, she had eye bags under her eyes from lack of sleep, having damsel-quality was hard work, "I know…" She mumbled sleepily.

The first prince charming gasped, "You look terrible!"

"Why didn't you guys show up?" Asked the girl who had a couple dozen feet of hair dragging behind her.

"We were pursuing the demons who stole the damsels in distress of course!"

"…why isn't he still in his beastly form?" The brunette frowned as she pointed to the no longer beastly prince charming.

"Well…I was cured!"

"How?"

"The hard and just ever so painful way…"

"By who?"

"Her."

He pointed to Dark who frowned, "I'm a he! He I say! Is that so hard to figure out?"

The blonde shook his head and sighed, "They're not listening, just give up, you'll never get it through their skulls."

Cinderella frowned, "That's scheduled for next week!"

The Prince Charmings blinked and pulled out a schedule as did the demons, "Is it? …oh! It is!"

The demons huffed as they flipped through the paper, "So…we're supposed to be slain next week?"

Dark and Krad just stared at one another them back at the group of distressed damsels and confused Prince Charmings.

They were in their 'hmmmm' stage, rubbing their chins as though very interested they nodded, "Well…what do you know, we missed out on chess…hunting and" _gasp_ "no! We missed out on the sales at beauty bargains where cosmetics such as skin care and hair care products' prices are reduced _greatly_! I can't believe we ended up chasing a damsel for that!" Dramatic swoon, "Oh woe is us! Our hair will never shine the same! Our teeth will never sparkle charmingly! And…and our skin won't look as fair as fair things at fairs which are indeed very very just ever so fair! Tear."

"Wow…just…wow. They're so feminine it's funny to the point of being sick." The dragon muttered at the princes' show of dismay.

Rapunzel crossed her arms, "Now if you don't mind. Let's go back and set everything back before the day after tomorrow. You can always go shopping tomorrow."

"B-but…"

No longer sleeping beauty frowned, "The sales are still going to be there tomorrow!"

"But all the finest products that we _usually_ use would be sold out!"

The beauty shook her head, "No they won't now let's go! We need to turn you back into a beast."

Snow White nodded, "We need to find replacements for the mirror and seven short men."

"What happened to them?"

"They were eaten by the big fat wolf and the mirror is no more…"

"And I need to find" Cinderella shuddered, "…rags."

"I need coffee…"

"I need my beauty sleep."

"So hurry up!"

The princes turned around obediently, swooped up the damsels, loaded them on their horses and rode off with their Prince Charming Smiles® while the damsels did their Damsel in Distress Wave of Goodbye and Farewell and Best Wishes® along with their Damsel in Distress Smiles®. The damsel who couldn't sleep due to her damsel-quality and the evil pea turned around and looked at the demons, "Be on time." Then she looked at the two witches who were gawking like the dragons, the boy and the shard though it had no eyes, "…we're going to need a new ugly evil witch too."

Snow White nodded, "We can have our 'the royal highnesses' take care of it tomorrow."

"Right you are fair damsel."

"Let us be off."

"Prince Charmings with fair damsels on their horses with them, onwards!"

"Ay!"

Then they left and just like that they were gone. The only trace that they were there and everything that just happened actually happened was the trail of hair that was slowly getting dragged along, Krad winced as he watched it shrink away, petting his own ponytail.

"Who would've thought that would've happened…I thought we were goners."

The dragon looked down, "Goners? Us? No way."

"You're so reassuring Krad…"

The two looked over at the demons, who scratched their heads, "So _that's_ why we couldn't find damsels to kidnap…"

"Yea…maybe it was a mistake to bring him along then…"

The boy frowned, "You think?"

"Yes well, too bad for you, consider it a valuable experience that you'll never forget."

The larger demon nodded, "Well, we better be off, we have to get ready for kidnapping them again next week. Bye."

Then they too were off in the form of a gust of wind.

The somewhat evil and very vain queen witch lady looked around, "Whatever happened to the relatively evil witch Glinda? I better go find her to continue our duel."

-------------------

Somewhere else…

"W-what are you doing?"

"Glinda the good witch, prepare to meet your maker if not makers!"

"My parents?"

"…sure why not."

"By the way, I'm Glinda the relatively evil witch now you know…"

"Oh really? Who would've thought but you'll never compare to me in evilness!" Moohahahahaha, "Come along Toto, we have to wreck more havoc."

"Who are you?"

"I am…the evil Dorothy of Oz! Bring her to the cell block!"

The tin man dragged his feet along, "Yes master…"

"Why are we doing this to the good witch?" Stupid, stupid scarecrow…

"Because she's bad."

"I see…"

"Do as I say already!"

The cowardly lion nodded, "Y-yes evil mistress Dorothy of Oz!"

Then the munchkins began to chant, "Hail the evil master/mistress/person/crazy dude of Oz!"

-------------------

"…I foresaw this too you know."

The two looked at the shard, the dragon huffed and flew off with it still in his claw thinger. It needed to prepare to get slain sometime next week.

Dark turned to Krad, "Well wasn't that very interesting…"

The dragon nodded stupidly, "Yea…"

_First they want to wed then kill then they ignore…and it was all part of a schedule? How annoying._

_Are you disappointed?_

_Why would I be?_

_Because you didn't get to be Dark's knight in shining armor._

_Shining armor is rare to come by and very very unhealthy…but no that's not why._

_Are you sure?_

_Yes._

_No you're not._

_My god! Why do you even bother asking if you're just going to be all 'no you're not' on me after I answer you anyways? You're so annoying! What do I have to do to shut you up?_

_You know very well what you have to do…_

…_I do?_

_Wow you're stupid, do I have to explain **everything**?_

_Well for this you do._

"Krad?"

"Huh?"

Violet eyes blinked, "You really have to stop zoning out like that."

"Sorry…"

Dark was first to confess, "I missed you."

_Say it…_

He gave an inward sigh as he too fessed up, "I…I was worried about you."

"You were?"

"No really…why else did I come after you?"

"Because you wanted to yell at me for being stupid…again?"

Krad paused, "Yea…actually that was my first reason then I realized that I was actually worried," then he muttered under his breath, "no thanks to that stupid voice…"

"What?"

"Nothing, I was _very_ worried just so you know."

Dark smiled, "Thanks…coming from you that means a lot."

Golden eyes blinked, "Does it?"

"Yes. Yes it does, more than you'll ever know."

The dragon shrugged, "Well I'm not going to argue with that." He smiled and wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulder, "Come on, we better get going home."

"Yea, it'll be nice to go home…"

Wings sprouted from the blonde's back, "Come on then my little damsel."

"I'm not a damsel!"

"Either way come on since you _do_ realize that I have to change back by dawn and let's just hope we're not still in the air by then."

Dark paused, "…what if we are?"

"Let's just hope we don't come to that."

Dark stared at him in silence.

Krad laughed and kissed the boy on the lips lightly, "You're so gullible."

The boy blushed at the kiss, "So what _does_ happen then?"

"…you probably would be better off not knowing…" And without another word he swept the boy off his feet literally and took off. That night they spent their night sleeping in a cave…how romantic. Dark curled up to the dragon, using the tail as a blanket as the two drifted off to sleep. "Sleep tight."

"You too."

And they lived happily ever after.

Technically they didn't until they got back home…and even then they still had arguments, _but_, that's not the point. In the very very very very end they did live happily ever after unlike a certain relatively witch called Glinda…

----------------

"Wha…what are you doing?"

"Burn her! Burn her!"

"No! No! Don't burn her! Don't burn her!"

"Burn her! Burn her!"

She watched as little munchkins danced in circles around the stake where she was tied, each with a little torch in its hands chanting, "Burn her! Burn her!"

And standing a bit away, she could see Dorothy standing there, cackling evilly as she petted her dog, she smirked darkly that shadow which a lot of villains and really evil people have when they're looking…evil, evil by tilting their heads down and looking up with that evil smile they have, yes, _that_ shadow cast over her face…mostly over her eyes as she cackled, "Excellent…soon…I'll take over the world!" Cackle, cackle.

----------------

"…screw that stupid relatively evil witch…" The somewhat evil and very vain queen witch lady spoke as she kicked some random piece of rubble on the ground, she was wandering around some random town when, "Hey! Look a sale on skin care products!"

Unfortunately for her, she had an allergic reaction which caused…terrible, terrible results, and after that, she ended up locking herself up in a tower for the rest of eternity, praying on young girls for their youth…until some kid threw a lumpy, distorted apple up there as a dare and killed the witch…by accident. How ironic.

The boy of course, became a hero. A very famous one at that. But he was later attacked by a 'friendly' deer by the name of Bambi. Bambi and his gang of 'cute and cuddly' animal friends such as Flower and Thumper...the skunk and the rabbit who were later shot by the hunter who saved little red riding hood who ended up getting eaten by the big fat wolf anyways.

----------------

"Is it dried? Is it dried?"

"No!"

"Oh! Oh! Do my hair next!"

"Why? Where's your damsel?"

"Oh…she's asleep. Where's yours?"

"She's doing chores."

"Mine's drinking coffee…again."

"Mine's washing her hair, she's been at it for two days now…"

"Mine's off getting poisoned by poisoned apples, she'll never learn."

"Mine's off singing with talking furniture."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…oh."

"…what!.? She does that a lot!"

Pause pause.

"…so is it my hair dried yet?"

----------------

"…I saw this coming you know…"

And with a flick of a tail, the dragon of the Dragon's Castle shot the shard far far away…

----------------

"I foresaw this too…"

Dark looked down, "Hey Krad! It's the talking shard again!"

Golden eyes looked over boredly, "Get rid of it, I don't need a talking shard around."

"How do I get rid of it?"

"Go bury it or something."

"Where?"

"Somewhere away from here, I don't want to hear it."

"What? You can't do this to me! I'm _the_ talking shard!"

Krad's eyes narrowed, "Oh yes I can…"

"Kyu?"

"Come on With, let's go bury this thing."

"I'm not a _thing_!"

Dark shrugged, "You are around here."

And so, he took the shard somewhere pretty far away, out of hearing distance of the dragon and buried it. After _that_, they lived happily ever after.

Owari

-------------

Nya

And much to Krad's surprise, he found that after he confessed, the voice stopped bugging him XD After like I'm not sure how long, I finished this fic! Time to start new ones...whenever I get time to type, sad...time used to be...not a problem :( tear. Anyways, thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed this fic :) Damsels are strange creatures aren't they? Just like Bambi and friends...evil evil deer... o.O Yea well...thanks for reading and reviewing! Hope I'll see you peoples around :D


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